


Do you got room for one more troubled soul?

by trickypedia



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Age Swap, Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, He's a dork basically, Humor, Kuroo is a college student who is sick of his parents setting him up, Kuroo is... hmmm... a bit reckless?, M/M, Punk!Tsukishima, Slow Burn, Tsukishima is a punk with nowhere to spend the holidays, no use of honorifics anywhere, that one thanksgiving craigslist ad from 5 years ago, tsukishima kei is in charge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21551698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trickypedia/pseuds/trickypedia
Summary: And then. And then Tetsurou came across the single, most glorious post he had ever read. He snorted when he read the title, glancing quickly at the (now sleeping) Daichi to make sure he hadn’t woken him (when did it get to be 2 am?).The ad read:Alone on New Years? Mad at your Parents? Read on…….. (M4M, Kyoto)It's New Years. Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how you’re still single? About how your parents really want grandchildren? Well, look no further!I am a 23 year old guitarist with half of a Biology degree that I have no intention of finishing, and 1/5th ownership in a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like Eddie Van Halen's guitar. I can play anywhere between the ages of 20 and 29 depending on if I’m wearing my glasses. I’m in a band and I am heavily tattooed and I barely have a job. If you'd like to have me as your strictly platonic date for New Years, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you to torment your family, I'm game.
Relationships: Haiba Lev/Hinata Shouyou, Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, More to be added - Relationship, past Tsukishima Kei/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 64
Kudos: 304





	1. Play Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> This is... uh my first fanfic? So pls be gentle? Characters may be OOC. Constructive criticism is welcome. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm about to go home for Thanksgiving and my grandma is real obsessed with finding me a boyfriend and I'm about to lose it, so here's some Kurotsuki fake relationship realness to keep you warm for the holidays.
> 
> PS thank you to TsukkiNoNeko who generously beta’d this for me and caught a couple glaring errors. Without them, I probably wouldn’t even have published chapter 1

Kuroo sighed as he tried to juggle his coffee, his book bag, his journal, and his phone while he made the subarctic trek across the University of Kyoto campus to his Japanese lit final. He nearly dropped his phone and barely recovered in time to listen as his mother was beginning to list every extended family member that was going to make the trip home this New Year’s.  
  
“…and your cousins Rin and Hana are going to be there too!” His mom exclaimed, seemingly excited about this development, while Tetsurou rolled his eyes. Both of those particular cousins kept posting homophobic articles on Facebook, which he had been steadfastly ignoring, despite their growing vitriol and frequency and Tetsurou’s growing boredom with school and weakening patience with bigots.  
  
“Oh, and your great uncle Sho and his new lady friend will be visiting and of course your grandparents… oh, what did I do with my grocery list, darn it… and Taro and Sakura and all their kids, too...”  
  
Tetsurou waited for his mother to pause to take a breath to interject, “Mom, would it maybe be quicker to tell me who isn’t going to be there and I can work it out by process of elimination?”  
  
His mom laughed, which Tetsurou thought was weird because he wasn’t joking, but she stopped listing the entirety of their family tree for the time-being, which Tetsurou would soon regret because the next thing she asked was:  
  
“Oh, and I almost forgot to ask! Are you going to bring anyone special this year?”  
  
His mom sounded hopeful, which made Tetsurou suspicious, so he decided to play dumb. “Well, Kenma lives across the street, so I’m guessing he’ll stop by sometime. Akaashi is gonna be visiting family in Kyoto, and as much as I love Bokuto, he’s not welcome in my home, or near people that I love. Ever.”  
  
“That’s not what I meant, Tetsurou, and you know it,” she scolded, “your father and I are worried about you. It’s been nearly a year since you and Gentaro broke up…”  
  
Tetsurou swallowed a sip of coffee past the lump in his throat. It wasn’t that he wasn’t over him it was just that… he… wasn’t... over him. “Mom-“  
  
“Tetsu, we just want you to be happy," his mom interjected, probably sensing his impending breakdown, "Your father works with a woman whose son is studying medicine at Osaka... She said he would be interested in meeting up for drinks over break.” His mom sounded hopeful, which was always a red flag and so now Tetsurou was looking for a hasty exit from the conversation, because Christ, now his mom was playing matchmaker again, which, thanks, but no thanks.  
  
“I don’t know, mom… Maybe… Hey I’m at my final. I’ve gotta go…I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”  
  
He hung up before he could hear her reply but he could sense that she wasn’t content with the way the conversation ended, but instead of worrying about it, Tetsurou shuffled to his seat in the middle of the room.  
  
He couldn’t help the unease that was taking form at the pit of his stomach, but before he could process it, his professor walked in and began passing out the final.

* * *

He had plenty of time to analyze his feelings later, however, when he was laying on the floor of his dorm room while his roommate was resolutely studying for his Chemistry final rather than commiserating with Tetsurou about how irritating his family was going to be about his personal life.

“And it’s like, okay! I get it! I haven’t seriously dated anyone in a year! But it’s not anyone’s business but my own, right?” Tetsurou had thrown his arms over his face in the most histrionic way he knew how, so he couldn’t see his roommate’s reaction, only hear his replies.  
  
He absolutely imagined though, that his roommate, Sawamura Daichi, looked over sympathetically while he replied, “Totally.”  
  
“You know what? I should just tell them to leave me the fuck alone. Maybe I’ll just die alone with 53 cats.... Or. Or! I’ll go on a date with him and make it the worst date he’s ever been on. That’ll show ‘em.”  
  
Daichi hummed and then said, “You got it,” which made Tetsurou look up.  
  
His roommate was curled up against the headboard of his extra long twin, thoroughly engrossed in the textbook on his lap, earbuds secured firmly in his ears.  
  
Sitting up, Tetsurou glared at him, “Daichi!” he whined as he threw a pillow at his roommate to get his attention, “Are you even listening to me?”  
  
Daichi pulled an earbud free and grinned, “Not even remotely.”  
  
Tetsurou could feel a hissy fit coming on, but he suppressed his base instinct, which was currently telling him to throw himself on the bed and cry until his roommate made them both hot chocolate and watched Love, Actually with him. Instead, he got up and grabbed his coat and left Sawamura to his studies, which, in Tetsurou’s opinion, was totally selfless on his part.  
  
If he couldn’t get anyone to sympathize with him, maybe he could make some headway on his final essay for Brit Lit. He took the long way to the library and trudged up to the 6th floor, a favorite of his because there seemed to never be anyone taking the seats near the outlet.  
  
When he arrived, however, there was a girl was already sitting at his favorite table, her blonde hair tied into a messy bun. Tetsurou considered leaving for a moment, but he didn’t actually mind company while he worked, and after all, that table was closest to the heating vent and it was fucking cold outside.  
  
As he approached the table, the girl glanced up with a look of vague concern and he made a motion at the seat across from her. The girl relaxed slightly and gave a considering look and then nodded and continued to peck away at her computer and Tetsurou unpacked his bag and got to work.

He was making good headway on his essay on why Renaissance poets were The Worst™, or he was until his phone rang, blaring Tupac’s California Love so loudly that it echoed across the stacks. The girl started and then laughed as Tetsurou flailed and subsequently sent the phone skittering across the table. He finally regained control of his limbs and grabbed the phone, glancing at the number he didn’t recognize on the screen before swiping to answer.  
  
“Hello?” Tetsurou tried to keep his voice down.  
  
The voice on the other end seemed unsure, “Uh, is this, uh, Kuroo-san?”  
  
Tetsurou narrowed his eyes suspiciously as he answered, “Yeah. Who’s this?” The girl sitting across from him gave him a look that told him to make this call quick.  
  
“Oh, uh, this is Hiroto. Your, um. Your dad gave me your number. He works with my mom,” He seemed less nervous when he spoke again, “I know you’re coming back to Tokyo this week and was wondering if you’d want to get a drink with me when we’re both home?”  
  
With that, Tetsurou groaned and slammed his head a little too hard against the table, causing the girl to start again, “This is worse than Sara from legal,” he mumbled, mostly to himself, although his gentleman caller must have heard because he asked exasperatedly:  
  
“Why do I always get matched up with the straight ones?”  
  
“I’m not straight, dude, I’m bisexual” Tetsurou retorted, “I just don’t want to bang a dude my parents picked out for me,” and girl across from him completely lost any semblance of composure and started belly laughing, falling halfway out of her chair.  
  
Hiroto snorted and said, “Yeah, I get what you mean. I thought I’d give it a try though. My mom said you’re pretty hot.”  
  
“I have always been told that I’m popular with moms,” Tetsurou responded sardonically, and then continued, “Look, man, I appreciate you calling, but I’m good being single right now.”  
  
“Okay. I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but you have my number if you change your mind… or if you want to vent about parents over a beer while you’re home.”  
  
Tetsurou hung up and buried his head in his arms and groaned for the billionth time in the past 12 hours.  
  
“That sounded like an interesting conversation,” the girl spoke, grin evident in her voice as she peered at Tetsurou over the screen of her laptop and dropped her studio headphones around her neck.   
  
Tetsurou didn’t respond and instead slammed his forehead on the desk again.  
  
The girl snorted and continued, “You’re going to give yourself a concussion if you keep doing that… I’m Yachi Hitoka, by the way.”  
  
“Kuroo Tetsurou,” he grumbled back. “Has your mom ever tried to set you up with a stranger, Yachi?”  
  
Yachi smiled widely and shut her laptop with a snick, “No. She has not. But it sounds like yours has and I love a good story. The paper I’m writing is getting depressing, so entertain me, Jeeves,” she said in a ridiculous British accent.  
  
Tetsurou leveled a look at her and sighed, then acquiesced. He told her about how every holiday, from New Years to the fucking Emporer’s Birthday since Gentaro left him, Tetsurou’s parents dropped some not-so-subtle hints about their dissatisfaction on the state of his personal life. They started their attempts to sneakily set him up with what they thought were suitable matches, all of which ended in disaster. Tetsurou punctuated his story by sprawling back in the chair and staring at the water-stained ceiling in despair.  
  
When he looked back at her, Yachi looked thoughtful. “That’s awful, dude. What do you think would make them stop?”  
  
“At this point? A marriage announcement, probably.” Tetsurou felt nauseous at the thought. It wasn’t like he wasn’t getting laid, but he could hardly tell his parents that.  
  
He runs his hands over his face and scrubs them through his hair, “Anyways, enough about my problems. What’s so depressing about your paper?”  
  
The girl motioned for him to sit in the chair next to her. Once he’d settled in, she opened her laptop and the browser was opened, surprisingly, to Craigslist.  
  
“So, I’m doing a paper for my human sexuality class. You know how Craigslist has boards for men seeking women, men seeking men, women seeking men, and women seeking women?”  
  
She paused to let Tetsurou confirm and continued, “My paper is basically analyzing the language used and finding which board is the most sexually graphic.”  
  
“It’s the men, right? Men are the worst.”  
  
“It was the easiest hypothesis in the world to confirm, yes.” Yachi nodded sagely.  
  
Tetsurou cocked his head to the side, “But wait, what’s depressing about that? You could open up any history book and figure out that men are horrible.”  
  
“Yeah, I guess, but it’s hard. To think of all these lonely people writing these posts.” Hitoka suddenly looked very, very sad, “Looking for a connection by screaming into the void and waiting for a call that’s probably not going to come.”  
  
“Okay, Nietzsche, how about we dial it back a couple of notches?” Tetsurou reached out and patted her on the back, “Do you want to read my paper on how every Renaissance poet was a whiny fuckboy?”  
  
Yachi broke into a wide grin, “I’m insulted that you even had to ask.”  


* * *

When Tetsurou returned to the dorm a few hours later, he felt much better. His paper was finished, he felt ready for his last final, he’d made a new friend, and his parent’s inappropriate invasion of his love life was largely forgotten.  
  
Daichi was exactly where he was when Tetsurou (stormed out) left, still curled like a cat. The only difference was that Sugawara Koshi was sitting at the foot of his bed, his own Chemistry book open.  
  
Tetsurou nodded to both of them and threw himself into bed, opening his laptop, thinking that maybe he’d watch a movie or something until he fell asleep, but as he went to click the url bar, something niggling at the back of his mind stopped him.  
  
Instead of going to Netflix, Tetsurou went to Craigslist. In his time of need, what Tetsurou could really use was a healthy dose of judgment at other people’s poor choices.  
  
After a few minutes of scrolling in horror in the m4w category, wondering how straight men even began to think that that type of language was necessary, let alone an acceptable method of finding a romantic partner, Tetsurou decided to switch to a board that wouldn’t make him lose what little faith in humanity that he had remaining. Returning to the home page, he clicked through to the “strictly platonic” section, hoping, at least, that there would be less mention of the words “fuck” and “fingerbang” and “cum” in such close proximity to one another.  
  
He hesitantly clicked through to the m4m section and was mostly relieved to find the first post:  
  
**Looking for guy into baseball - m4m (Miyagi)**  
  
_I'm a 40 year old guy who loves, loves baseball. I love watching it every minute of the day on sunday, thursday, monday, etc. I also love to gamble on it. I love to gamble on the games and sit in the sportsbook all day. But i dont have any friends into that type of thing. So if you live for ESPN, Fanduel, betting, etc i would love to see if we could hang out, maybe go to Vegas sometimes. This is strictly platonic, im a married man. Very easy to get along with. I also love movies, netflix, if you're into that as well._  
· do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers  
  
Pleasantly surprised, Tetsurou quickly got absorbed into reading into these anonymous strangers’ lives. From the lonely husband who just wanted someone to drink coffee with, to the college frat boy who needed a study partner/FWB, Tetsurou was enthralled. Before too long, Tetsurou had scrolled through dozens of pages, getting far too invested in the results of the plights of people he didn’t even know.  
  
And then. And then Tetsurou came across the single, most glorious post he had ever read. He snorted when he read the title, glancing quickly at the (now sleeping) Daichi to make sure he hadn’t woken him (when did it get to be 2 am?).  
  
The ad read:  
  
**Alone on New Years? Mad at your Parents? Read on…….. (M4M, Kyoto)**  
  
_It's New Years. Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how you’re still single? About how your parents really want grandchildren? Well, look no further!_  
  
_I am a 23 year old guitarist with half of a Biology degree that I have no intention of finishing, and 1/5th ownership in a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like Eddie Van Halen's guitar. I can play anywhere between the ages of 20 and 29 depending on if I’m wearing my glasses. I’m in a band and I am heavily tattooed and I barely have a job. If you'd like to have me as your strictly platonic date for New Years, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you to torment your family, I'm game._  
  
_I can do these things, at your request:_  
  
_\- openly hit on other guests while you act like you dont notice._  
_\- start instigative discussions about politics and/or religion._  
_\- propose to you in front of everyone._  
_\- pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on_  
_\- overt, but non-sexual PDA (hand holding, cheek kissing, etc.)_  
_I require no pay but a place to stay._  
· do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers  
  
  
After about the third time he’d read the ad, barely holding in his giggles, Tetsurou got an idea. It wasn’t a good idea. In fact, after reflection, most of his ideas were better than this one (even the one with the baseball bat and the jar of mayo), but it did make him giggle with glee a little, so how bad could it be?  
  
So Tetsurou hit reply and typed:  
  
“ur mission, should u choose 2 accept it, is to piss off my parents (and homophobic relatives) enough 2 get them to leave me alone about relationships 4 the rest of my life. u would have 2 come 2 Tokyo tho, but i have an xbox, the entire star wars documentary, and a killer record collection at home, so i’m pretty sure it evens out. i will pay 4 ur shinkansen tix. this message will self destruct in 5…. 4…. 3…. 2….1… BOOM  
  
P.S.  
xoxo,  
Tetsu”  
  
He hit send without obsessing too much (after all, what did he have to lose?), shut his computer and tried to get some sleep.

* * *

The next day, Tetsurou had forgotten entirely about the ad. He was crazy busy, with an linguistics final at 8 (god fucking damn it, he tried so hard to avoid morning classes) and he met Daichi for brunch afterwards in the caf.  
  
Daichi, was once again, glued to his Chemistry book when Tetsurou got to their usual corner balancing a bowl of cereal, a plate full of mashed potatoes and tater tots, a still-wrapped hamburger held firmly between his teeth, and several cartons of milk shoved in his hoodie pocket. He threw himself into the seat across from his roommate and immediately took a large bite out of the burger  
  
“You’re disgusting,” Daichi drawled, eyeing Tetsurou’s meal with an unprecedented level of disgust.  
  
With a mouthful of hamburger, Tetsurou stuck his tongue out at his roommate, “I’ve gotta keep my figure, man. One of us has to stay pretty forever.”  
  
“Is that what you call it?” Daichi snapped back, rolling his eyes and smirking a little, “Most would call it being a repulsive slob.”  
  
“You love it,” Tetsurou accused while he started unloading the milk cartons onto the table.  
  
Snapping his textbook shut, Daichi started in on his meal (eggs, bacon, toast, like some kind of FREAK) and eyed Tetsurou, “Did you ever solve your melodramatic family issues?”  
  
“Baby!,” Tetsurou swooned, “You do listen!” He made a big show of clutching his heart.  
  
His roommate arched his eyebrow, “You literally wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it, so I may have heard the bare minimum, yes.”  
  
In reply, Tetsurou shrugged and said as casually as possible, “Iunno, it depends on whether or not the guy I messaged on Craigslist last night responds or not.”  
  
He could see Daichi eye twitch as the Kuroo Tetsurou Safety Protocol™ booted up.  
  
Most of Kuroo’s friends had a similar program in place. 

It went something like this:  
  
\- Is the Thing Tetsurou is Planning dangerous?  
  
\- If no, allow him to proceed with Thing.  
\- If yes, who is in danger?  
  
\- If it is other people, do not allow him to proceed with the Thing. You have now become an accomplice.  
  
\- If it is him, how badly could he get hurt?  
  
\- If it would result in a minor injury, allow him to proceed with the Thing, he may learn his lesson. (Note: Tetsurou has never learned a lesson as a result of injury, but it may be fun to watch)  
  
\- If it would result in major injury or even death, get more information about the Thing and try to counsel him away from the Thing. (Keyword here is TRY)  
  
Daichi seemed to be calculating for some time before he simply blinked and continued eating his powdered eggs as if he hadn’t heard Tetsurou, which, COME ON.  
  
There was great potential for major injury or death here. Tetsurou could get serial killed or kidnapped or any number of things that are bad for one’s health, but if Daichi wasn’t going to ask, fine, Tetsurou wouldn’t tell him a goddamn thing and when Tetsurou was found dead in a ditch somewhere with the entirety of Moby Dick etched into his forehead, _then he would be sorry. They would all be sorry!_  
  
Tetsurou harrumphed and dug into his plate o’ carbs in a sullen fashion (which mostly resulted in him giving Daichi sad puppy dog eyes between bites.)  
  
His cold shoulder ended a respectable 5 minutes later when he burst out, “Don’t you care about who I’m meeting? It could be anyone!”  
  
“Yeah, but you were going to tell me if I asked or not.” Daichi pointed out, a little too smugly in Tetsurou’s expert opinion, “Also, you seem pretty determined. Nothing I say is going to change your mind.”  
  
Tetsurou was affronted. It was true, sure, but there’s a social contract at work here. He says he’s going to do something stupid, his friends try to stop him, he does the stupid thing anyway, they get to tell him they were right. There’s a subtle science to it, and Daichi was breaking the cycle.  
  
Tetsurou sputtered out, “Yeah, well maybe I’d listen to you this time!”  
  
Daichi looked at him critically and then acquiesced, “Show me the ad.”  
  
Four blocks, 6 flights of stairs, and a jammed lock later, Tetsurou was laying on his bed while Daichi sat next to him scrolling through the Craigslist post in question, face scrunched in thought.  
  
After reading it for the 10th time, Daichi carefully turned to Tetsurou and asked/sighed, “Okay, what did he say?”  
  
Tetsurou shrugged, “I had my linguistics final so I haven’t checked my email.”  
  
“Well, it says here that you have an email.” His roommate nodded towards the computer.  
  
Tetsurou sat up lightning fast and snatched the computer out from under Daichi’s stout fingers.  
  
Sure enough, there was a message from a Craigslist domain in his inbox, sitting there among all the junk mail from all the websites he bought one thing from 3 years ago.  
  
He may have sprained something clicking on the message.  
  
**Re: Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your Parents? Read on……..**  
  
_I’m intrigued by your promises of music, video games, and a whole star war. Can you meet for coffee this afternoon? I’d like to make sure you’re not a serial killer and/or a child. This message won’t self destruct, but it may fizzle a little._  
_-T_  
  
Tetsurou was nearly vibrating with excitement. He read the message gleefully to Daichi, who rolled his eyes, but still inquired, “So?”  
  
“I’m going to meet him for coffee! How could I not?” As he spoke, Tetsurou was already replying: “where’s this coffee joint? -Tetsu”  
  
Succinct and to the point. Tetsurou only read it 4 times before hitting send. And then he only refreshed the page 7 or 8 or 12 times before Sawamura slammed the computer shut, nearly crushing Tetsurou’s fingers in the process.  
  
“There’s something to be said about a watched pot never boiling,” Daichi said wisely, “Do you want to play Super Smash Bros.?” He continued with the practiced ease of someone who had to distract Tetsurou from his anxieties for two years.  
  
Tetsurou had just gotten done getting his ass kicked for the 6th time (his heart just wasn’t in it, okay?), when he reached over for his laptop. He had, after all, displayed a large amount of self control up until this point.  
  
He checked his email and lo and behold, there was, in fact, an unread email.  
  
It just read, “Nekomata’s at 4. I’m the blond guy in a Black Flag shirt.”  
  
Tetsurou flailed a little when he saw that it was already 3:30 and he was wearing flannel pajama pants. He threw on a pair of jeans and an old volleyball t-shirt along with a coat, a hat and some boots and sprinted out the door.  
  
By the time he got to the coffee shop, it was 4:10, and Tetsurou was breathing like that one time he had showed up to practice late and his coach made the whole team do wind sprints until Tetsurou puked.  
  
As soon as he cleared the threshold, Tetsurou tried to play it cool, trying to catch his breath and look as not-sweaty as possible.  
  
He looked around, not too hopefully, he hoped, searching for a Black Flag shirt in the crowd.

It took him seconds to find the guy, who was wearing a Black Flag tee as promised and dark ripped jeans. Kuroo could see the tattoos on his arms and he tried not to trip over his own feet. Three things stood out: blonde hair, glasses, lanky. The guy was undoubtedly attractive. If this was a Tinder date, he’d be suggesting they go somewhere a little more private, but he was here on _business_. He was going to be a _professional_. 

Craigslist guy was sitting near the back with a cup of coffee and a book in front of him. When Kuroo came barreling through the door, he looked up with a bored look on his face and Tetsurou felt like he was about to fail whatever test this guy was giving him. 

Kuroo waved awkwardly and the guy’s smirk just grew. He couldn’t help but feel like he was in over his head. He felt distinctly off balance. Maybe the guy was a pervert? Or maybe he really was a murderer. Kuroo quickly ordered his coffee and stumbled over to the table. 

“Uh, hey?” Great, very nice, Kuroo. You’re doing great. 

“Oh, you must be Craigslist Tetsu,” said the blonde, still smirking, “I’m Tsukishima Kei.” 

Kuroo felt a little better, knowing his name, and bowed in greeting, “Kuroo Tetsurou.” 

Tsukishima motioned for him to sit and Kuroo complied. 

“So, Craigslist, huh?” Kuroo asked, sipping his coffee and wincing as the liquid scalded his tongue. 

Tsukishima nodded, then with a defeated note said, “Yeah, Craigslist. My, uh, friend thought it’d be a good idea for me to find somewhere to spend the holidays since my family’s going to be out of town and he wrote the ad was because he thinks he’s funny.”

“To be fair,” Kuroo snorted, “it was pretty funny. It’s why I messaged you. So thank your ‘Uh, friend’ for me.”

Tsukishima looked at him wryly, “Okay, funny guy, what brought you to the craigslist personals? You said something about upsetting your parents?”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t dated anyone since last year and they’re killing me with their concern.” Kuroo sighed, “It’s, like, whatever, I’ll just be one of those old guys that flirts with all the men and women at the retirement home, who cares?”

“Ha, I’m assuming that’s not what your parents want?”

“Not exactly, no.” Kuroo agreed, “I thought coming out as bi would shock them enough that they’d give me some reprieve, but no. No, now they just collect both men and women for surprise blind dates.” 

“So, how do I fit in? Being mean to your mom? Telling your dad that you call me daddy too?” Kuroo choked a little on his next sip of coffee, but the blond wasn’t done, “Groping you in front of the homophobes?” Cue more choking, “Insinuating that you’re going to leave school to go on tour with me as a groupie?”

Kuroo collected himself, suddenly feeling guilty at the thought of causing his parents emotional pain, “No, none of that! Well maybe the last one… They just... keep setting me up with doctors and lawyers and all these professionals and, I get it, I do, they just want me to be happy, but that’s just not me. I’m not ready for a serious relationship, I’d rather just have a lot of anonymous hookups. It’s easier.” 

Snickering, the blond fiddled with the book in front of him, “Okay. I’ll do it.” 

“What? Really?” Kuroo hadn’t been there for 15 minutes. He thought the meeting would be at least an hour. 

“I mean, you’re really the only person who didn’t respond with a dick pic, so you’re already ahead of the pack,” Tsukishima shrugged, as if the choice was obvious. 

“Ah, how romantic, I’m the only choice.” Kuroo teased. 

“Oh, yes, you’re the best of the worst. Try not to let it get to your head. But seriously, it’s kind of you to open your home to me. The band is on a little break for the first time in a year and a half and it’s always really hard when your life just stops like that.” Tsukishima looked off to the side, suddenly bashful. 

“Oh, that’s right, you’re in a band, huh?” Kuroo asked, “Anyone I might have heard?”

Tsukishima’s cheeks colored and made a noncommittal noise, “Um, maybe? We’re called Karasu.”

“Oh. Oh! Yeah, I’ve totally heard you guys! I love that song, um… Super Quick? I think it’s called? It was on that one show! But that’s probably the only song I know.”

Tsukishima’s smirk was back with a vengeance, “Well, good. I don’t date fans.” 

Kuroo wondered faintly what he’d gotten himself into. 


	2. That Shit was Pathetic, I Need Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei thought hard about who to ask. He knew Tadashi would be meeting his new girlfriend’s family, Hinata was planning a surprise trip to see his boyfriend, Lev, at his Uni in Canada, Shimizu was going to be breaking up with her girlfriend and had been talking about how she “needed time alone”, and Kei would rather die than ask Kageyama and his corny-ass boyfriend if he could third wheel for the winter holidays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a transitional chapter. Will our boys spend time together in the next chapter? Who knows? (I do. and they do, I promise). This is also not beta read. 
> 
> If anyone cares the band lineup is as follows:  
> Kei: lead guitarist  
> Tadashi: drummer  
> Kageyama: lead singer  
> Hinata: rhythm guitar  
> Shimizu: bassist. And yes, You’re wondering why Yachi isn’t in this first year band and the answer is simple, my dear reader: Bassist Shimizu Kiyoko can step on me. That is all.

The stage is the only place that Tsukishima Kei had ever felt at ease. He knew himself. He knew he was rude and unlikable and a pain to be around and he got worse when he was anxious. He knew these things and mostly hated them, but when he was in front of a crowd, none of that mattered. When the kids were screaming their lyrics back at them, it didn’t matter if he thought he would die alone or that his band would figure out that he was a talentless hack and find a new, better, more charming guitarist. 

* * *

He’d been playing guitar since he was small and aside from Yamaguchi, it was the only thing he liked for a long stretch of his adolescence. 

He’d taken his guitar everywhere with him, like an unwieldy safety blanket, and one day, when he and Tadashi were walking home, a tiny redhead came screeching to a halt on his bike in front of them and called out, “Yo, are you guys in a band?” Then they met Kageyama and Shimizu and it was the first time Kei had more than one friend. The rest was history. 

For the record, Kei thinks Tadashi doesn’t get enough credit where the band is concerned. His best friend had also been a guitarist, taking up the hobby after they met, but when Hinata said he was a guitarist as well, Tadashi, unphased, took it as an opportunity to learn something new. 

He spent every night for weeks practicing on Shimada's borrowed drumset and didn’t stop until he was good enough to join the band that Kei had gotten into only because he had been carrying his guitar that day Hinata had stopped them. 

At the time, Kei thought it was silly, dedicating that much time into a hobby. (never mind that Kei’d spent hours and hours playing and playing and playing on his own until his fingers hurt. Never mind that the truth about his brother’s unsuccessful band rended him limb from limb and left him broken for weeks. Never mind that when someone asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, his first thought was always, always ‘rockstar’ before he said something much more reasonable.). It wasn’t like this band thing would blow up. It was a high schooler’s pipe dream. A diversion from the stress of school. It would be ridiculous to dream any bigger. 

They blew up. Of course they did. The band thing. Journalists that wrote about Karasu always liked to act like lightning had struck and they had gotten lucky, but Kei knew the truth. He’d been there for all the late nights and the writers’ block and the fights. 

He could still remember Tadashi’s hand on his collar, Tadashi telling Kei that he was uncool, Tadashi shaking him out of his apathy.

That was their first and last real fight, but Kei still felt the sting of his best friend’s words, pushing him forward.

After that, Kei decided to work harder. After that, they met Ukai Keishin. After that, they got a record deal. 

When they got the offer, Kei stared at the contract while Hinata and Kageyama screamed. The words themselves meant nothing to him, but their meaning was clear. This was real. This was happening. The band thing wasn’t just a hobby anymore and he had four people relying on him, counting on him to get his shit together. 

So Kei did. He put up with the months on the road, the impolite and nosy interviewers, the close quarters with his band mates because he knew at the end of the day, he’d be on stage, electricity running through his veins, doing what he loved. 

There was another downside to being in a band, Kei thought to himself when he was going to bed at night. It was lonesome. Of course, he was traveling the world with his best friends and living a dream that some people can only fantasize about, but sometimes, Kei just wanted to hold someone. 

It was pathetic, he knew, but at the same time, he couldn’t help the burrowing feeling of jealousy he felt when he saw couples on the street, when his band mates brought their significant others on tour. Kei didn’t understand the longing he felt in his chest. He was a private person and the thought of being cuddled with on the couch in the front of the bus like Hinata and his freakshow of a boyfriend didn’t appeal to him at all. 

He tried it, once. With his ex, Wakatoshi. And it turned out to be a lesson in not pretending that you’re something you’re not. Kei was so concerned with keeping both parts of his life separate that he ended up fucking both sides up, albeit temporarily. 

His boyfriend thought he was being broken up with and his band thought he was having a breakdown. Kei learned his lesson. 

So, why then, was he suddenly overcome with sadness when their tour was coming to an end and he realized he’d be alone for the holidays? 

“You know we’d love to see you, Kei, but your mother and I are going away for our anniversary after your brother’s wedding. A whole month in Spain!” his father told him excitedly. “We can celebrate when we all get back. Will you be okay? I don't want you to be alone.”

Kei adjusted the phone against his ear, “Of course I will. I’ll find somewhere else to go. Someone in the band maybe.” He didn’t know who, but that was minor. He wasn’t lonely. 

Kei thought hard about who to ask. He knew Tadashi would be meeting his new girlfriend’s family, Hinata was planning a surprise trip to see his boyfriend, Lev, at his Uni in Canada, Shimizu was going to be breaking up with her girlfriend and had been talking about how she “needed time alone”, and Kei would rather die than ask Kageyama and his corny-ass boyfriend if he could third wheel for the winter holidays. 

“Sorry. Tooru and I are going to spend Christmas in New York.” Kageyama told Kei, his tone matter of fact, when Kei had asked if he could third wheel for the winter holidays. They were sitting at the rickety table in the living area of the tour bus, parked outside the venue with a couple of hours to kill before sound check. 

“New York? You hate New York.” Kei prompted. 

Kageyama rolled his eyes, “He thinks it’s romantic. My Christmas present to him is that I’m not going to complain.”

Kei snickered, “True love does exist.”

“Yeah, well, at least I won’t be alone.” Kageyama shot back, which, ouch. 

Kei, for once, didn’t have a snippy comeback, just retorted with a, “Tch,” and got up to stretch his legs. 

Later, after the show, when they were eating at some late night diner, Yamaguchi was staring at him, eyes narrowed. It was unsettling.

Finally, Kei snapped, “ _What,_ Yamaguchi?”

His best friend had the decency to look momentarily guilty, but then added, “You look sad. Why?”

That got the rest of the band’s attention. Four pairs of eyes were suddenly focused on him. 

Defensiveness turned Kei’s chest to ice, “What are you talking about? I’m fine.”

Hinata leaned over Kageyama, seemingly to get a closer look at Kei, “No, he’s right, Gloomyshima, you look sad as hell.”

Kei felt like he was under a very large microscope. 

“Is it about what you asked earlier?” Kageyama asked without a hint of tact.

“What did he ask earlier?” Yamaguchi questioned. 

Kei tried to telepathically communicate to Kageyama that no one would find his body if he answered that question, but either the lead singer didn’t understand or he didn’t care, because he replied, “He wanted to know if he could spend the holidays with me and Tooru. His brother will be on his honeymoon and his parents are taking a trip, too.”

“Oh, what about -“ Hinata started. 

Kei interrupted, “Everyone’s busy. It’s fine. I’m not sad. Leave it alone.”

“Maybe you could come to Niko’s with me! I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.” Yamaguchi supplied. 

Kei groaned. This is exactly why he hadn’t said anything. Fuck Kageyama, seriously. And also, “I’d rather die than tag along to your girlfriend’s childhood home. 

And before the rest of you start,” Kei continued, “I really don’t need your pity. Being alone on the holidays isn’t the end of the world.”

“But you’ve been writing really sad songs lately.” Shimizu spoke up for the first time. 

Kei sputtered, “ _What?”_

Hinata nodded, “She’s right! Since you and Ushijima broke up all your songs have been all _blahhhh_ when usually, you’re like _RAWR.”_

“Can you use big boy words, please? Not everyone speaks toddler.” Kei felt a little guilty for that one, but he just wanted them to stop staring, please and thank you. 

“No need to get defensive, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi scolded, “We’re just trying to help.”

“I’m sorry.” Tsukishima grumbled. “Can we just drop it for now? I don’t want to talk about it.”

That seemed to appease his band and he turned his attention back to picking at the greasy food in front of him.

* * *

He genuinely thought they forgot about it until about a week later, Kei was sitting on the green room couch at the venue in Nagoya when Hinata hurled himself onto the seat next to him. 

Kei resolutely ignored the redhead and focused on the bassline in the song he was working on. 

“Hey! Tsukishima! I had an idea!” Hinata yelled loud enough that Kei could hear through the noise cancelling headphones he was wearing. 

He removed the headphones, but didn’t look up from his screen. 

Hinata took that as permission to pitch his plan, “Craigslist! We can post an ad on Craigslist to ask for a place to stay. Stuff like that goes viral all the time and people really find a place to go!”

Kei broke his gaze away from the screen to level a blank stare at Hinata, “That may be the stupidest idea you’ve ever come up with.”

“You’re being so mean, Tsukishima! Hear me out! You have this whole,” Hinata motioned at Kei, “thing going on where you look super scary and you’re basically a horrible influence.”

“Wow, thanks.” 

“You know what I mean! My idea is this, okay? We make a post on Craiglist offering your services as a fake shitty boyfriend so people don’t have to have those awkward ‘why are you still single’ conversations. It solves everything! You wouldn’t be lonely AND you wouldn’t feel like you’re being pitied because you’re actually helping someone. I saw one just like it last year!” Hinata looked absurdly proud of himself as he finished. 

Kei had to admit that maybe his ~~friends~~ band knew him well enough to know that his pride wouldn’t let him accept help. 

“I… don’t hate that.” He acquiesced.

Before Kei could finish with the plethora of reasons why he wouldn't be writing a fucking Craigslist personal ad, Hinata’s grin turned predatory, “Good! Tadashi and I already wrote and posted the ad with your email attached. Here you go!”

He shoved an iPad into Kei’s lap while expertly dodging the blond’s grasping hands.

Later, after Kei exacted his revenge by placing all of Hinata’s picks on a high shelf and telling an embarrassing story about Yamaguchi during a radio interview (The scolding from Shimizu was worth it) he finally took a look at his email. 

Disappointingly, there were only two responses so far. One from a guy who just wrote, “How about we just fuck?” and another that appeared to just have a single attachment that Kei refused to open because he _knew_ nothing good was attached.

* * *

Kei isn’t proud of what he did next. In fact, if anyone asked him directly, he’d deny he did anything at all. 

He called Wakatoshi, which, yes, maybe it was ill-advised but it was an amicable breakup, okay? They wanted to be friends, right?

Sure, they hadn’t spoken in two months and sure, the last time they spoke, Kei had _cried_ , but it was fine. They were going to be friends. 

Kei felt stupid as soon as Wakatoshi answered and sounded confused, “Kei?”

“I need advice,” Kei blurted. “Do you have a second?”

Wakatoshi hummed an affirmative answer and so Kei told him everything. The band’s concern, his family, the ad, even the crushing loneliness that he’d been feeling. 

Once Kei finished, his ex was silent. This was one of the things Kei appreciated about him, Ushijima never said anything without thinking. 

“May I see the ad, please?” Wakatoshi was always polite, but Kei couldn’t help but feel that he was made fun of. He’d had years to get accustomed to the subtleties of Wakatoshi. Kei sent him a link to the ad. 

It took a minute for his ex to read it and he sounded amused when he said, “They make it sound like you’re a small time punk, Kei. Your last single went gold. You travel in a bus.”

Kei huffed out a laugh, “I think it was to make me seem more dangerous. And, to be fair, I think we still own that van. It's probably parked at Tanaka's.”

”I see. To make your offer more realistic,” then Wakatoshi asked, “What do you want to do?”

Kei actually had a response for this, “I’m not doing it. It’s ridiculous! I could end up murdered or maimed or worse: humiliated. And I don’t know why everyone’s so worried about me. It’s driving me up the wall.”

Silence was the only response for a long time. Kei started to bite his nails out of anxiety. Finally, Wakatoshi spoke, “I think you should do it.”

“Uh?” Words failed Tsukishima for the second time during this whole debacle. That was definitely not what he’d expected his ex to say. 

Wakatoshi sighed and shifted on the other end, “I know you, Kei, and if you don’t want to do something, you shut it down right away. If you want to do it, you list all the reasons you can’t until someone gives you permission.”

“I don’t need permission,” Kei pouted, hackles raised.

“You’re right. You don’t. You know everything. So, why are you calling me?”

Kei opened and shut his mouth a few times before he sighed and relented, “You give good advice,” Kei scrubbed his free hand over his face and continued his admission, “And I don’t know. I miss you, I guess.”

Wakatoshi was smiling, Kei could tell from his tone, “I miss you, too. We could get together when you get home from your holiday adventure. I want you to meet Tendou.” 

Right, the new guy. Kei steeled himself, “Yeah, okay. I’ll text you if I don’t get murdered.”

Wakatoshi laughed and Kei felt marginally better, the conflict raging inside quelled for the moment.

* * *

The good feelings sparked by that conversation carried Kei all the way to the end of the tour and lasted pretty much the entire flight to Osaka. It wasn’t until he touched down at Itami airport and navigated his way onto the train to Kyoto that he started to feel a little wary. 

The majority of the responses he received were disappointing propositions or straight up dick pics. Kei would NOT admit that he’d gotten his hopes up. He refused. He was an adult and He wasn’t fucking lonely. He can spend Christmas and New Year’s alone. It probably would have been awkward anyway! His eyes were stinging because it was his only brother’s wedding day. He was fine.

Akiteru, with color high in his cheeks, threw himself into the chair next to Kei, “Little brother, you look maudlin.”

Kei would do some highly illegal things if it meant that everyone in his life would stop commenting on how sad he looked, “This is just how my face looks, Aki.”

“Nah, it doesn’t.” His brother said, “You look happy most of the time. Everyone thinks so.”

“Who thinks that? I just wanna talk.” Kei felt supremely uncomfortable. When did he get so easy to read?

“I’m just saying, I know it’ll be the first holiday season that you’re not with family or… anyone and I’m sorry. I didn’t think when we were buying our tickets.”

“Oh my god, it’s fine. I’m not a helpless little kid. It’s not the end of the world. Please go enjoy your honeymoon.”

Aki stared hard at Kei, “Alright, but you can call me whenever, okay?”

Instead of replying, Kei shrugged and got up to find Tadashi. His brother laughed and yelled, “I love you too!”

After the reception, Yamaguchi dragged Kei to some seedy bar where drink after drink was pressed into his hand by his friend until Kei was giggling, stumbling to his bed at the Airbnb, feeling a little more positive. Especially because he had a new email from Craigslist, a missive that had Kei snickering. “Okay”, he thought, "I can do this."

It wasn’t until he was actually in the coffee shop, waiting for the only person that hadn’t sent a sexually aggressive missive that Kei started to panic. He’d brought along his worn copy of [Norwegian Wood](https://www.amazon.com/Norwegian-Wood-Haruki-Murakami/dp/0375704027/ref=sr_1_1?crid=32DMCF2N0VW99&keywords=norwegian+wood+murakami&qid=1575424525&s=books&sprefix=norwegian+wood+%2Cstripbooks%2C160&sr=1-1) so he could pretend he was busy if someone tried to talk to him. 

In reality though, he was jumpy. Every time someone new walked through the door, he impulsively snapped his gaze up from his book until finally he gave up and just took turns between sipping at his coffee and staring at the door.

Kei was about to give up. He was about to call it quits, fly back to his apartment in Miyagi and not emerge from a blanket nest until January 4th AT LEAST, when a likely suspect came tumbling through the door, breathing heavily. 

He had the worst hair Kei had ever seen and he looked more anxious than the blond felt. The guy glanced around before his gaze alighted on Kei and the look of relief was perceptible. 

Kei smiled at the guy, who waved awkwardly in response. For some reason, the fact that the other guy was more nervous than him gave Kei some focus and turned his nerves to steel. 

_Oh,_ Kei thought, _this could be fun._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I set up a sideblog for my HQ! mess, so you can follow me on tumblr at Trickypedia. Title taken from Pvris' Winter.


	3. I Could Go Anywhere With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By the eighth time that Kuroo reorganized the knick knacks on his desk, Daichi snapped. 
> 
> “What the fuck are you doing and, whatever it is, can you please stop?” Daichi was staring at him from the bathroom where Suga and him were now huddled together getting ready to go out to dinner. 
> 
> Kuroo gave him an anxious smile, “Sorry! Tsukishima is coming over and I don’t want him to think I’m some loser uni kid.”
> 
> “You are a loser uni kid.” Suga supplied helpfully

By the eighth time that Kuroo reorganized the knick knacks on his desk, Daichi snapped. 

“What the fuck are you doing and, whatever it is, can you please stop?” Daichi was staring at him from the bathroom where Suga and him were now huddled together getting ready to go out to dinner. 

Kuroo gave him an anxious smile, “Sorry! Tsukishima is coming over and I don’t want him to think I’m some loser uni kid.”

“You are a loser uni kid.” Suga supplied helpfully. 

Which, okay, fair, but Kuroo didn’t want him to know that. He would have never shown up at the cafe I’d he knew the guy was so damn cool and hot and famous. The last thing Kuroo’s ego needed was this kind of guy seeing him in such a self-fabricated crisis, but when the guy offered to help, what was he supposed to do? Say no? That’d be crazy. He was so hot. And famous. And cool. 

So, no, Kuroo would deal with his problems internally, thank you very much. He just had to make sure his top five favorite books looked impressive enough amongst his cat figures one more time. 

Before Tetsurou could get himself really worked up, there was a sharp rap on the door. He absolutely didn’t wait 10 seconds before striding over and opening the door to seem like he wasn’t excited, ignoring the way Suga was cackling. 

When he did open the door, Tsukishima was standing there looking bored and uninterested and like the coolest person Tetsurou had ever seen with his lip and nose piercings.Not to mention the black skinny jeans and a black band tee for a band that Tetsurou hadn’t heard of. His tattoos, now that Kuroo actually got a good look at him, were done in a traditional Japanese style. A kitsune ran up his left arm and three koi fish wrapped around his right. There were more, peeking up out above Kei’s collar that Kuroo couldn’t help but be curious about . 

“Hey!” Was Kuroo’s voice always this loud? “Come in!” He was pretty sure It wasn’t. 

“Hey.” Kei acknowledged and followed him into the room. 

“This is Daichi, my roommate, and Sugawara, my nemesis. They’re leaving.” Both guys waved and grabbed their keys to depart. 

Kei nodded at them as they left and set his bag down at the doorway. 

“So,” Tetsurou opened his arms wide, “This is my room. Where the magic happens. Or doesn’t, I guess, since I’m currently celibate. Like a monk.”

Kei’s mouth twitched into an almost smile, “I can see that the gentlemen callers are tripping over themselves to get a look at your...” he glanced at the desk, “toys.”

“Hey!” Tetsurou gasped, “Those were gifts from my dear friend, Kenma. They’re sentimental. Each cat has a deep and resonant meaning.”

“Which one means that you’re an actual child?”

“None of them!” Kuroo sputtered, “I’m a very mature adult. My mother told me.”

“Well, if your mother said so, who am I to disagree?”

Kei was actually smiling now, which Tetsurou wasn’t particularly prepared for… the dude usually looked like he’d like to be anywhere but his exact current location, so a smile was completely out of left field. It was a nice smile, Kuroo thought, before shaking his head and refocusing. Kuroo grabbed a photo album from his desk and gestured to the bed. 

“Anyway, I thought it might be a good idea to go over my family tree today and maybe come up with a backstory. And,” he cleared his throat nervously, “maybe we can call my parents together to let them know you’re coming?”

Shrugging, Kei grabbed the photo album and plopped down on the bed next to Kuroo, “This is your rodeo, cowboy. We’ll do it on your terms.”

“Okay, so this is my cousin Hana, she’s an asshole.” Kuroo pointed to a smug looking girl with braids in her hair, “She told me that she never wanted to talk to me again when I came out.”

“Well, has she?” 

“Unfortunately.”

“That’s just bad manners. A lady has to keep her promises.”

***

It had been a couple of hours and they’d covered Tetsurou’s entire family, his friends, and had a vague story of how their relationship came to be:

Tetsurou and Kei had started hanging out casually a few months prior, but had ended things when Kei had to go on tour. But instead of moving on, they kept talking until about a month ago when they decided that they’d try the relationship thing. 

It was detailed enough to be believable and gave a built in explanation as to why they didn’t know a lot about each other. 

Tetsurou started the video call with his parents and made sure that Kei was just off screen. 

“Hi Tetsu! Your father is holding the phone. I’m cooking dinner!” His mother waved at him from the screen of his phone as she wielded a knife. 

His father’s voice crackled to life from off screen, “Hi son! How are finals?”

“Good, Dad. Set the curve for sure,” his dad’s hand snaked around the front of the phone and gave him a thumbs up. Tetsurou continued, “I just wanted you to know that I’ll be home around dinner time on Friday. And… there’s something else I need to tell you.”

He watched as his mother stopped chopping up onions and stare into the screen while his father’s head popped in from the side. 

“Honey, what is it? We know you’re not straight.” His mom’s eyebrows were furrowed.  
His dad nodded, “Yeah, you explained it very well. We got it, I promise. I have a rainbow sticker on my iPad.” 

“No, no, it’s not that. Just… Remember when I told you I wouldn’t be bringing anyone home?” 

Both of his parents perked up at this, which, eye roll, could they be any more obvious? 

“Well. I’ve been kind of seeing someone and it’s really, really new. Like, way too soon to meet families, but their plans for the holidays kind of fell through, so I was wondering if maybe they could come home with me?” 

HIs mother’s look of relief was insulting. “Oh of course! We’d love to meet your boyfriend. Or girlfriend! Either way!”

Tetsurou tried really hard to get exasperated. He knew he was lucky that they were so accepting but come on. “He’s actually here right now if you want to say hi.”

Kei scooted into frame and put on his best parent pleasing smile. “Hello. My name is Tsukishima Kei. It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for opening your home up to me.”

“Hi Kei! Of course! Any partner of Tetsu’s is welcome here.”

“Do you go to school together?”

Tetsurou could see Kei smirk next to him. It was showtime. “Oh no, I play the guitar in a punk band. We met on grindr.”

Now, in his mind, his parents would react to this information with shock or visible discomfort, but instead, they seemed ecstatic. 

His father in particular was beaming, “Oh wow! A professional musician! You know, Tetsu, I used to play the guitar myself. Maybe you could give me some tips, Kei… I think my guitar is still in the attic.” 

Kei, the traitor, put on a charming smile, “I’d love to. I’ll bring my guitar and we can jam.”

They wrapped up the phone call shortly after that and as soon as he hung up, Tetsurou collapsed, face first into the bed. . 

“You good?” Kei asked, completely innocently. 

Tetsurou lifted his head to glare at the blond, “They loved you. They’re supposed to be scared of you. That was a disaster, dude.” 

Snickering, Kei got off the bed to grab two cans of beer from his backpack, handing one to Kuroo, “Alright, well, they haven’t seen the whole package yet. I’m 6’4”, covered in tattoos and piercings and I have consistent RBF. It’s only a matter of time.”

“Yeah, okay. I guess you’re right.”

“Can I ask you something?” Kei was fiddling with his fingers, looking down at the still open photo album in his lap. 

“Sure, shoot!”

“It’s just,” Kei sighed, “your parents are really great. You know that right?”

Kuroo nodded. 

“Why are you doing this? Is it really just because you want to scare your parents out of your love life?”

Sighing, Kuroo placed his head in his hands, “Kind of? I just…. I want them to stop worrying about me. Like, I’m their only child and I think they worry a lot and if I can make their brains stop associating me having a relationship with happiness, I think that would be best.”

Kei thought for a moment and then nodded, “And your extended family are assholes.”

“And my extended family are assholes.”

“There was one more thing I wanted to ask about,” Kei began as he glanced sideways at Tetsurou, “it might be uncomfortable, but I think maybe we should practice being physical. It wouldn’t look good if we had no idea how to touch one another, you know?”

***

Kei was glad that Tetsurou’s response to his proposal was to promptly choke on his own spit, because it would distract him from the blush that was creeping up to the tips of his ears. He could feel himself start to spiral. Why had he said anything at all? 

This was by far the worst situation that Hinata had gotten him into, by far. And Hinata almost got them all arrested in the American South after he decided he wanted to climb on top of the shelves in a Walmart at 3 in the morning, resulting in a collapse of canned goods. Only Kei’s proficiency in English and Yamaguchi’s charm convinced the manager and the security officer that the cops didn’t need to be involved. 

Gods, he actually fucked this whole thing up before it started. Tetsurou was going to kick him out of this shitty dorm and probably post about how the lead guitarist of Karasu was an awkward loser and Kei was going to be all alone for New Year’s and probably cry again. Twice! In the same calendar year! What had become of him? Was he just someone that cried now? Is that who he was? 

He was so focused on his own panic that he didn’t realize how close his companion had gotten to him. He was saying something and Kei only caught the end of it. 

“—eat idea…” and then his lips were pressed up against Kei’s and just like that, they were kissing. 

Despite his initial surprise, it wasn’t actually the worst. Tetsurou’s lips were a little dry, but he was enthusiastic and responsive. Kei’s hands found the sides of Tetsurou’s face and stroked his cheekbones with his thumbs. 

Tetsurou pulled back, grinning, “I think we might be good at this.” He threw his arms around Kei’s neck again. 

Kei nodded and chased the younger man’s lips again, pulling him close. The thing was that it might have been really good. Like, much better than most of the make out sessions that Kei had experienced in his life. But this wasn’t supposed to be fun, it was supposed to be practice. 

Before he could start panicking again, the door flew open and Tetsurou’s roommate and his friend walked in, looking at Kei with really unpleasantly identical knowing smiles. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, We didn’t mean to interrupt.” The grey haired one (Suga?) drawled. 

Tetsurou took his sweet time in pulling away from the blond, who was trying to school his features into a disinterested smirk. 

“Oh, no worries. We were just practicing!” Tetsurou waved. 

Kei, still trying to seem apathetic, nodded, “Yeah. Dress rehearsal. How’d it look?”

“Do you plan on using protection for the actual performance?” Suga drawled. 

Daichi snorted, “Does the audience get splash protection?”

“That’s part of the appeal, you perverts.” Tetsu snarked. 

“Hey, now,” Daichi replied, “we’re not the ones fucking in public.”

“Wasn’t it Shakespeare that said ‘All the World’s a Stage?’” Tetsurou pondered as he took another swig of beer. 

“I think that should specifically exclude our dorm room, Tetsu. Daichi is too innocent to see you sticking your tongue down a stranger’s throat like that.” Suga parred Daichi on the back. 

Tetsurou rolled his eyes, “I literally walked in on you two dry humping this morning.” 

Feeling a little more brave, Kei jumped in, “Anyway, we’re doing it for social justice. We can’t let the homophobes win.”

Suga cackled, “Okay, I like you. Hand me that bottle, let’s play Smash.”

***  
Tetsurou texted Kei when he’d arrived at the train station, his bags in tow.

Me: Im by the turnstiles. Currently getting dirty looks for loitering. Lemme kno when u get here! 

Kei: Here. On my way to you now 

Me: ヾ(@^▽^@)ノ

Kei: oh god you’re one of those

Before Tetsurou could send an indignant response, Kei came into view, wearing carrying a guitar case and a small suitcase. He looked properly punk today, with his tattoos on display and a surly expression in his face. 

Kuroo greeted him with a smile and a clap on the back and they made their way to the platform. 

They eventually boarded the Shinkansen and found seats together. And perhaps, in part, due to Tsukishima’s harsh aura, no one took the third seat next to them. 

For the first half hour or so, Kuroo was good. He minded his own business. He was reading Frankenstein for the fourth time and occasionally gazing out the window but there’s only so much you can do before you lose your mind so instead he decided to bug his companion, who was currently staring resolutely downwards at his e-reader with his headphones over his ears.

Kuroo pulled one of the speakers away from Kei’s ears and asked, “Whatcha listening to?”

“Bright Eyes,” Kei grunted and readjusted his headphones again. 

Never one to take a hint, Kuroo tapped Kei until he looked at him again, “I’ve never heard of them. Are they American?”

Kei, realizing where this was going to go, took off his headphones and said, “Yeah, they’re an indie band. Very shoe-gazy and emotional.”

“I never really got into indie. I’m more into either classic punk or, like, modern pop punk.”

Kei scrolled through his phone for a moment and showed Tetsurou his playlists, all of which were labeled with different genres. He had everything from “American Pop” to “Metal,” to “Opera”, he seemed excited when he said, “I have a bit of everything here. I like to draw influences from everywhere, so I have a running playlist of my favorites from each genre.” 

“Tsukki! I think that’s the most excited you’ve sounded in the 5 days I’ve known you! So how does opera fit into your band’s sound?” 

Tsukishima blanched a bit at the nickname, but then pulled out a headphone splitter and motioned for Kuroo to hand him his shitty tangled pair and then he said, “Okay, so here’s our last single and it featured a lot of strings, but also with the vocals…”

*** 

The last two hours of the train ride flew by. Kei was a little embarrassed by how much he talked, but music was the one thing he couldn’t actually stop talking about. He couldn’t even muster his usual aloof tone when he discussed it. 

Not to mention, Kuroo was an excellent listener. He prodded Kei when he trailed off and asked leading questions. It was easy for Kei to get lost in the conversation instead of his usual internal analytical spiral, so it was refreshing to turn his brain off for once. 

Before he knew it, they had disembarked the Shinkansen, took two different lines on the JR train, and there he was, standing in front of the Kuroo family home on the outskirts of Tokyo. 

Kuroo smirked at Kei and offered the blond his hand. Kei interlaced their fingers and returned the smile. This was his opportunity to bully assholes with no consequences for two entire weeks. It felt like his entire life was leading up to this one moment. 

And it was his time to shine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry this took me so long! I think it’s because I kind of hate this chapter but next chapter will be much more smooth because so many fun things are happening! Tsukki meeting the parents! The third gym makes an appearance! Will there be an awkward shared bed moment? Find out!
> 
> Chapter title is from Bright Eyes’ First Day of My Life


	4. I Wish I Was The Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsurou had prepared for disaster. He prepared for his parents to look at him holding hands with a pierced, tattooed punk with a resting bitch face and freak out. To prostrate themselves before him and beg him to get back on tinder with a promise to never meddle again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: homophobia 
> 
> WHEW.. . Quarantine brain is real y’all. I wish I could say it won’t happen again but... alas, I can make no such promises. I have a podcast and a day job and they are very time consuming atm. On the bright side, this chapter is a BEAST to make up for it. It’s effectively 2 chapters, just because I felt so bad about taking so long. I also don’t have a beta because I hate inconveniencing anyone to ask.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter has some discussions of homophobia and homophobic relatives, both religious and not. If that makes you feel icky, please take care of yourself. If it makes you feel better, I pretty much made fun of them the entire time...
> 
> I have half of the next chapter written because I’ve learned my lesson. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Please comment and like. Some of your comments really make my day. 
> 
> PS HAPPY PRIDE FROM YOUR LOCAL BISEXUAL DISASTER!!! Also: black lives matter, terfs can trip down a flight of stairs, and I love you. Yes, you.
> 
> Title is taken from Neko Case’s “I wish I was the moon”. If y’all are looking for an album to lay on the floor and listen to, Blacklisted is the one.

Tetsurou had prepared for disaster. He prepared for his parents to look at him holding hands with a pierced, tattooed punk with a resting bitch face and freak out. To prostrate themselves before him and beg him to get back on Tinder with a promise to never meddle again. 

What he didn’t prepare for was his mom and dad absolutely adoring Kei. His father was ecstatic to see that the blond had brought his guitar and his mom made sure to tell Tetsurou to take both of their bags to his room with a not at all surreptitious wink. 

Over dinner Kei’s hand was firm and warm on Tetsurou’s thigh and his parents didn’t say anything. They didn’t even look concerned when Kei leaned over to whisper in his ear and then kissed his cheek. 

This was bullshit. 

“This is bullshit.” Tetsurou rounded on Kei when they got to his room.

Kei looked placid, “I thought that went well.” 

“Well?! They loved you! What the hell!”

“Yeah, but how much will they be willing to take? Right now they’re just excited to see you and your new beau, but we’re here for two weeks. It wouldn’t do to have them hate me on sight would it? This is about the long game.”

This stopped Kuroo in his tracks. “Oh.” He narrowed his eyes at the blonde, “that’s really smart. You’re really smart.”

Kei preened a little at the compliment and then looked around the room. Kuroo felt suddenly self conscious about his childhood trinkets. There were anime figures on the shelves with an embarrassing amount of shoujo manga. He had a Blink-182 poster on the wall and his records were filed neatly next to his Victrola. Overall, not as embarrassing as it could be. 

Kei, seemingly magnetized made his way to the records. He started flipping through and Kuroo felt distinctly judged. 

“See anything you like, Tsukki? You can play anything you want.” He hoped his nerves didn’t shine through his tone. 

“Jawbreaker.” Kei replied approvingly, “and the Sex Pistols. And Siouxsie and the Banshees. And Neko Case. Wow.”

It was Tetsurou’s turn to preen, “I told you I had a decent collection. You can play something if you’d like.”

“No I meant ‘Wow these aren’t in any particular order’. But yes, I suppose your taste meets my high standards.” 

Kuroo laughed and watched as Kei’s long, nimble fingers pulled Neko Case’s Blacklisted from the sleeve and set it on the turntable. 

The opening, jaunty chords of “Things That Scare Me” soared around the room.

“I love this album.” Kei admitted, “Neko was all alt rock with the New Pornographers and then suddenly she comes out with this Americana Folk Country album. That kind of versatility is impressive.”

Kuroo couldn’t help himself from flirting, “What do you know about versatility, Tsukki?” 

Tsukishima seemed startled for just a moment, but then pulled himself to full height and stared down at Kuroo, unimpressed, “Careful, Tetsu, you sure you want to find out?”

How is he so tall? Tetsurou’s stomach clenched at the nickname and he responded without thinking, “Yeah, yeah I am.” He stared up into golden eyes. 

The tense current that ran between them snapped with a sharp knock on the door. 

“Tetsurou!” His mother called out, “I brought you and Kei-kun some cookies!”

“Um,” Kuroo cleared his throat, suddenly aware of how close Tsukki was to him, “Yeah, thanks, mom, come in.”

His mother bustled in and set the plate of cookies on his bedside table. 

“Are you going to be comfy in this bed? You’re both so tall…”

Simultaneously, they turned toward the full size bed. 

“We’ll manage.” Kei assured her politely. 

Kuroo swallowed thickly, “Yeah, mom. No worries!”

As she left the room, Neko was singing soulfully about the Green River Killer, wailing “Deep Red Bells” as Tetsurou stared at the blond and cleared his throat. 

“Do you want the right or left side?”

***

Kei wanted the left side, but by the time he woke up the next morning, they’d both gravitated toward the middle of the bed, backs pressed against each other. 

He glanced over towards the sleeping man next to him. The night before was weird, but not insurmountably so. If Kei had ¥500 for every time he’d nearly kissed someone he shouldn’t have, he’d be able to purchase a king’s portion of strawberry shortcake. He knew the best way to handle this: ignoring it ever happened. That’s what he did when he made out with Aone once at a party. They don’t even acknowledge each other half the time that they’re in the same room. It worked great. 

Kei got up, stretched, and headed towards the bathroom with a change of clothes. 

Once he showered, he intended to hide back out in Kuroo’s bedroom until the younger man woke up. Real sleepover rules. 

But he was waylaid on his way back by Tetsuro’s father, who seemed absolutely tickled to encounter the man that was ostensibly railing his son in the hallway of his home. 

“Good morning, Kei! Why don’t you join me for some coffee downstairs? I’m just reading the paper. No need to wait for Tetsurou to wake up. He’ll sleep ‘till noon if you let him.”

Not really seeing a way to get out of it, Tsukishima nodded, saying, “Okay, yeah, I’ll just grab my book.”

Tsukishima tried not to panic. The thing was, he’d never met any of his boyfriends’ families before. He was either dating guys that weren’t out or things hadn’t gotten serious enough to warrant a formal family meeting. Hell, the closest he’d ever gotten was with Wakatoshi, who had met Kei’s family in passing, but had broken up with him just prior to him visiting the Ushijima home. 

He was well and truly out of his depth. He took a steadying breath as he grabbed his copy of The Master and Margarita from his backpack. He glanced at Kuroo’s sleeping form and considered waking him up to provide a buffer, but he thought better of it. The whole point of him being here was to get Tetsurou’s parents to lay off his dating life. He may as well earn his keep. He padded his way out to the dining room where Tetsurou’s parents were enjoying breakfast. 

“How do you take your coffee?” Tetsurou’s mother, Taiyo, asked. 

“Um, cream, three sugars, please.”

“Kei, I'm actually glad we got a chance to talk to you alone.” Kuroo Itsu set his iPad down. As he did, Kei noticed the pride flag sticker on the back. 

He smiled and accepted the mug of coffee that was handed to him. 

“We wanted to ask, what exactly are your intentions with our son?”

Kei put his best “your son calls me daddy, too” smile on and said, “I think he’s the one. I was thinking of asking him to move in with me next semester. Or maybe to join us on tour.”

Kei was momentarily gratified by their shocked expressions, until Itsu laughed, “Yes, well, I guess that’s young love for you! Good luck getting Tetsurou to take a semester off though, he’s pretty serious about school.”

“We trust his decisions, of course. He’s an adult and he’s always been wise beyond his years, so if he likes you, you must be very special.” The kind smile on Taiyo’s face threw him for a loop. Kei’s plan was to be cold and aloof and a little too forward but what he didn’t account for — what Tetsurou didn’t account for — was the Kuroo family’s implicit trust in their son. 

“Anyway, I was just kidding! You haven’t been together that long anyway. What matters is that you make our son happy and you treat him with respect.” Itsu waved his hand as if clearing the air, “I was looking you up and your Wikipedia said something about teaching music classes in college. Do you think you could refresh me? It’s been years since I’ve played.”

***  
Tetsurou woke up at 10am to a nightmare. More specifically, he woke up to Kei playing guitar with his father. They’re sitting on the couch in the living room with guitars in their laps while Tsukishima corrected his dad’s form. 

His face must be doing something truly magnificent because Tsukki glanced up and looked properly cowed. 

“What’s with the face, Tetsu?” His mother asks from her place on the opposite couch. 

Tetsurou adjusted his features into a pout, “He’s never taught me to play.”

Kei grinned at him and patted the couch, “You’ve never asked, babe. Come, sit.” 

After about an hour of learning A and C chords, Tetsurou got his salvation because his mother needed his dad’s help to get some kitchen utensils out of storage, so he took the opportunity to corner Tsukishima. 

“What the fuck was that dude?” Kuroo whisper screamed as the blond packed up his guitar

Kei blinked at him, like he was the dumbest person in the world, and hissed “You know how tough that was? I told them I thought you were the one and that I wanted you to move in and go on tour with me and they were just like ‘Oh if he wants!’ What am I supposed to do with that?!”

“You what? They WHAT?”

“Yeah, they’re weirdly accepting of me being a clingy freak. They said they trust you. So what now? I don’t think the long game will help us with that.” Kei glanced toward the door 

Kuroo sighed, “Fuck. I don’t know.”

Tetsurou’s next savior came in the shape of a tiny millionaire texting him.

Kencat (=^･ω･^=): food. 

Me: can I bring my bf

Kencat (=^･ω･^=): …

Kencat (=^･ω･^=): ...

Kencat (=^･ω･^=): what did u do

Me: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

***

Kei knew it was a small world, but perhaps not this small. Kuroo had told him that they’d be meeting his friend “Kenma” for lunch. Kei didn’t think much of it initially until he saw exactly who they were meeting. 

“You know Kozume-San?” He asked as Tetsurou led him through the moderately crowded restaurant toward Kenma. 

“What.” 

“Kozume Kenma. You know him?” 

“He’s my childhood best friend. How do you know him?”

By that time, they’d reached the table and Kenma spoke up, “I met Tsukishima and his band at a charity event. They were playing an acoustic set and I was there to look nice and write checks.”

“Huh. Maybe it was destiny that brought us together, four eyes.” Tetsurou smirked and jostled Kei. 

Kei rolled his eyes, “Yeah. That’s craigslist for you.The tool of fate.”

“So, this is a dumbass scheme, then.” Kenma nodded to himself, as if confirming an internal debate. 

Scoffing,Tetsurou threw himself down on the chair opposite Kenma, “Hey! It’s not a dumbass scheme.”

“It’s a little bit of a dumbass scheme,” Kei added as he sat next to Kenma. “He wants his parents to stop setting him up so he brought me to scare them.”

With barely restrained mirth, Kenma asked, “And you got involved because…?”

Kei narrowed his eyes, “Hinata…. and Yamaguchi. But mostly Hinata.”

Kenma motioned for him to go on. 

“They wrote a Craigslist ad.” Kei gritted out, “Because they didn’t want me to be alone on New Years.”

Kei respected that Kenma held in the snort for the most part, hiding it by taking a sip of tea. 

“Has he figured out that his parents are the most unflappable people on the planet yet?”

“This morning. Yes. I told them I thought their son was the one and only after a month and they acted like I was talking about the weather.”

Kenma actually fully belly laughed this time, “Yeah. They’re great. Not sure who they pissed off to get Kuro.”

“Could have been a past life transgression.” Kei mused. 

Kenma smirked, “Or maybe they’re leading a secret life and they’re murderers.”

“It would certainly explain,” Kei motioned to all of Tetsurou, “all of that.”

“Nope. Absolutely not. Tsukki and Kenma aren’t allowed to gang up on me. It’s forbidden.” Pouting, Kuroo glared at them both, “How is it fair that you both know each other AND are capable of roasting me into oblivion?”

“It was fate probably.” Kei mocked.. 

“Anyway,” Kenma shrugged, “it’s way less fun to make fun of Tsukishima, he’s the victim here.”

“Victim?! He agreed to this!” Kuroo spluttered

“Yeah, but only because I was promised homophobes, Tetsu.” Kei snapped his fingers, “Where are they? Pay up.”

Kenma caught on quickly, “How are your cousins, by the way, Kuro?”

“Arriving tonight actually. We should study up.”

“Jesus Christ.” Kenma muttered. 

Kei ignored that and paid attention while Kuroo brought up his cousins’ social media posts. 

“Here’s Rin. He posted this during pride month.”

Kuroo Rin: I just don’t understand why gay ppl have to be so public. I don’t want to men kissing that on my walk to work ( •́ ✖ •̀)

“He really brought the post together with the Kaomoji.” Kei intoned. 

“Yeah, he also asked why there isn’t a straight pride month once. That was right after Tetsurou came out.” Kenma’s voice took on a vaguely protective tone, “I hate him, but Hana’s the worst.” 

Kuroo nodded, “She’s an evangelical Christian.” 

“In Japan?” 

“She went to college in the US and married an evangelical pastor. She lives there year round but visits for the holidays. Luckily, she doesn’t bring her shithead husband too, so we only have her.”

Kenma interjected, “She’s a love the sinner type that always seems to feel like she needs to say something any time someone mentions they’re gay.”

“Love that.” Kei rolled his eyes, “Is there anything better than a self righteous hypocrite that can’t shut up?”

“Here look,” Kuroo shoved his phone way too close to Kei’s face, causing the blond to jerk back and refocus, “she has a blog where she talks about traditional family values.”

“Oh good. Of course that’s traditional by Christian standards?” Kei could feel his hackles start to rise. 

“Got it in one.”

“Don’t your parents notice that they suck?”

Kuroo smirked at Kei’s question, “They’re not stupid enough to do it in front of anyone. They’ll wait until it’s just the cousins hanging out.”

“What about their parents?”

“Not present. Their dad was never in the picture and their mom died of cancer when they were in college. They’re both older than me.”

“Hm.” Kei hummed. 

Kei had dealt with homophobic family before. His grandmother, who could deal with the tattoos and piercings and the career, suddenly couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. It hurt more than he expected. He could change other things about himself, but not that. His parents and brother took it in stride and withdrew from family events, but Kei could still feel the underlying sting of it every time his mother ignored a call from her. 

So, this was personal to him. He hadn’t known Tetsurou for long but the idea that someone, like himself, was suffering at the hands of ignorance was infuriating. Kei had spent most of his life observing people and despite the bravado that he was displaying, he could tell that Kuroo was hurt. 

If he could make life better for him, Kei knew that this whole debacle would be worth it. 

As Kei was scrolling through Hana’s blog, the server returned with their food. 

“One more thing,” Kei said as he handed Kuroo’s phone back to him along with his own phone , “can you take a picture of Kozume-san and I? I want to brag that I got to see him. My band loves you. Probably more than they love me” He explained to the man next to him. 

Kenma agreed easily enough and posed with a peace sign as he stared serenely into the camera and Kei leaned in and smirked. 

Tetsurou snapped the pick and handed Kei his phone, and Kenma said, somewhat awkwardly, “Tell Hinata I said hi.” 

“I’m sure he’ll be excited. He’s obsessed with you.” Kei rolled his eyes. 

Kei took note of the slight blush that colored Kenma’s cheeks at the mention of the tiny redhead. Interesting. 

The rest of lunch was uneventful, with Kei picking at his food as Tetsurou and Kenma caught up. 

Kei tapped a quick message to the band’s group chat as they got up to leave. 

God Squad  
Me: [img attached]   
Me: Kenma said hi to everyone except hinata. 

Kageyama: ha. 

Yamaguchi: What?????  
Yamaguchi: Tsukki!!! How are u with Kenchan?

Hinata: We’re about to go to bed but srslyq!!!!

Me: I’m kidding.   
Me: He said hi to only Hinata.   
Me: And I guess he’s friends with Kuroo from way back. 

He shoved his phone in his pocket and looked over at his companion. Kuroo seemed more and more jittery as they walked. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yep! Totally cool!” Tetsurou’s smile was brittle. 

Kei sighed, “Well, I hope so. I’m going to roast your cousins into oblivion and I need a witness to tell the jury that they deserved it. I can’t have you losing your nerve.” 

The tense line of the brunet’s shoulders relaxed slightly as he laughed, “Oh well, in that case…”

They walked in silence for several minutes until Tetsurou spoke again, “I just never think about how hurtful this shit is, you know?”

Kei sighed, “Yeah. I know. It’s like a death by a thousand cuts.”

It wasn’t until they turned down the road leading to the Kuroo family home that either of them spoke again.

Kei knocked Tetsurou with his shoulder, “But you know what?”

“Hm?”

“Love always wins. Sometimes it just takes time.”

***

Tetsurou’s cousins arrived just as his mom had started cooking dinner.

The bustle at the door drew them out of Tetsurou’s room where they had spent the afternoon playing Borderlands and listening to music. 

Kei’s hand in his was grounding as they made their way down the stairs. 

Hana and Rin hadn’t actually changed in the year since Kuroo had seen them. They both looked slightly uninterested, like it was a huge inconvenience to be present. Kuroo would have liked to remind them both that they didn’t have to be here. 

They both greeted Tetsurou and offered hugs, but he could clock the exact moments that they noticed Kei. 

Both of their eyes narrowed as they looked from Tetsurou to Kei to their hands tangled together and back to Tetsurou. 

“Oh my god, I’m so rude! Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Tsukishima Kei. Kei, babe, these are my cousins Hana and Rin.”

Kei’s smile was razor sharp as he bowed, “Pleased to meet your. Tetsurou told me so much about you.”

The silence that greeted them took the air out of the foyer until the guests seemed to remember themselves. 

“Nice to meet you as well,” Hana bowed. 

Rin cleared his throat, “Yeah.”

Hana opened her mouth to say something more, but at that moment Tetsurou’s mother bustled out of the kitchen and ushered everyone towards the table. 

Dinner was an uneventful affair with everyone catching up, the attention was firmly off of the new couple. Tetsurou caught his cousins glancing at Kei as if one would look at a large chimpanzee sitting at the table with them – with vague wonder and concern. 

Again, Tetsurou tracked their eyes from Kei’s tattoos to his face back to his arm, which was gripping Tetsurou’s thigh under the table, preventing him from bouncing his knee in an anxious fit. 

Tetsurou had convinced himself that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe there wouldn’t be any incidents. Maybe Kei could just be a bit of arm candy. This would be a funny story for his grandchildren. “Remember that time grandpa brought home a fake boyfriend? Haha how pathetic right?”

All the maybes flew out the window when Kei and Tetsurou were cleaning up after dinner. Hana shot up to lend a hand and as Kei was occupied drying the last of the plates, she struck. 

She pulled Tetsurou aside, “I just wanted to invite you to church with me on Christmas. I think it would be good for you.”

Tetsurou felt as if he’d been slapped, but he quickly got a hold of himself. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Well,” Hana replied pleasantly, “I just think you could use some guidance.”

A pair of arms wrapped around Tetsurou’s waist and Kei set his chin on his shoulder, “Guidance for what? If it’s his hair, I’ve tried everything. It’s hopeless.”

Hana looked slightly uncomfortable, but soldiered on, “I know lots of people that have had the same issues that you do that were able to find answers in Christ so I thought I would open the door for you if you find it in your heart to come.”

Kuroo felt Kei tense around him, like a tiger about to pounce, but his voice remained friendly, “I’m still not sure what issues you’re talking about, though. I didn’t realize bad hair was something the Christian god could help with.”

Kuroo laughed, “Babe, I’m starting to think you hate my hair.”

“I love every bit of you,” Kei retorted, smacking a quick kiss to the side of his neck for emphasis. Kuroo ignored the swooping feeling in his gut. “I just want to know what issues your cousin is talking about.”

Hana, who looked particularly affronted by the blatant display of affection, “I just meant, you know,” her voice dropped into a whisper, “your homosexuality.”

Kei’s arms dropped from his waist and the blond stepped forward. Tetsurou finally got a look at his face and it was terrifying. He was still smiling but his eyes belied something a lot less friendly. 

His tone was frosty when he spoke, “The only issues we have with our homosexuality is that people like you keep thinking that it’s their business to fix what isn’t broken.”

Hana backtracked, “I didn’t mean anything by it! I just know that some of… your people… hate themselves and want to choose differently and I want you to know that the door to Jesus Christ our lord and savior is always open.”

Kei cocked his head to one side and Kuroo was again reminded of a predator sizing up its next meal, “Well thank you for the offer, but Tetsu and I have plans all day on Christmas. We’re going to do the whole Christmas lights thing. Since we’re dirty heathens and all.”

Hana looked supremely uncomfortable, “Okay, well… excuse me.” She turned on her heel and left. 

It wasn't until he and Kei bid everyone good night that Tetsurou could feel himself unravel. 

He sat on his bed as Kei used the restroom and tried to control his emotions. Logically, he knew Hana was wrong. He knew there was nothing broken in him, nothing to fix, but emotionally, he couldn’t help but feel ashamed. Like there was something evil in him that needed purging. 

He remembered when he and Hana were kids. They were close, confidants even, but then she went to America, she met her husband, she changed. He knew it wouldn’t be easy being out, but sometimes he had enough of how unfair everything was. 

He was so caught up in his spiral that he hadn’t noticed Kei walk into the room.

***

Kei was glad for his quiet bedtime ritual to center himself. He washed his face and brushed his teeth and thought horrible, no good, very bad thoughts about Hana. The entire conversation left such a bad taste in his mouth. He couldn’t believe that she just came out and said that, but he supposed that it was because she was taught that everyone that was different needed saving. 

Kei had not personally encountered an evangelical before, but it was a slightly different flavor of the same bullshit. Someone trying to change something intrinsic in a person because they didn’t understand. 

Poor Tetsurou. 

When he got back to the room, he was so preoccupied with his internal monologue that he almost didn’t notice the tears streaming down Tetsurou’s face. 

He felt his stomach clench as his mean thoughts about Hana resurfaced. He sat down on the bed next to Tetsurou and thought about the 3 times that he’d let Tadashi see him cry. 

Awkwardly, Kei patted the brunet’s back and started rubbing circles, trying to be as soothing as possible. It was strange that he could be so physically affectionate in public but in private, he was reminded that Tetsurou was, for the most part, a stranger. Maybe an acquaintance. This was usually the opposite for Kei, who spent much of his life cultivating a strict line between public and private. 

“She’s worse than I thought.” Kei commented, trying to say anything to calm Tetsurou down. 

“Yeah, that was the most forward she’s ever been in her bullshit. I guess it’s because it’s right in front of her. I’ve never introduced her to anyone before. My ex and I didn’t spend the holidays together last year.”

The two sat in silence for another moment before Tetsurou spoke again, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m upset. It’s not like I wasn’t expecting this.”

“Even if you were expecting it, you’re allowed to feel hurt. That’s valid. She’s in the wrong here.”

Kuroo felt a new wave of tears come on, “We were close, you know? And I love her. I just wish,” he swallowed, “I just wish she loved me, too.”

Then, the tears started again in earnest. Kei thought back to Tadashi. He really should get a WWTD bracelet. He thought that maybe his life would be slightly better if he did so. 

Regardless, he knew what Tadashi would do in this case. Kei turned his body toward Tetsurou and wrapped him in a hug. 

Tetsurou froze for a moment but then melted into the embrace. 

“I…. I know it hurts,” Kei began, somewhat haltingly, “but you can choose your family. You can choose who you let into your life…. someone that treats you like something to be fixed doesn’t deserve access to all the things you have to offer.

“I lost half of my blood relatives when I came out, but I also gained a community. I really haven’t felt alone since.”

Tetsurou pulled away and stared at Kei. So close that he could make out the tears that clumped his eyelashes together. 

“Thanks, Tsukki. I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

“Are you serious? I’ve never felt more alive.” 

Tetsurou laughed at that and the tension in the room dissipated. 

Soon, after they were both in bed and Kuroo was asleep, Kei checked his phone again. Surprisingly, he had one message from Hinata. 

Hinata: did Kenma really only say hi to me

Me: Punctuation is your friend.   
Me: But yes.   
Me: How’s Canada? 

Hinata: it’s fine…..

Kei watched the typing symbol flicker as Hinata, for once, seemed to struggle with words, which honestly wasn’t out of the ordinary. What was strange was the next text:

Hinata: how do u kno when something isn’t working  
Hinata: romantically 

Me: You’re asking me?   
Me: I’m so pathetic that you had to set up a fake relationship for me 

Hinata: ur not pathetic! ur really smart!   
Hinata: u just needed somewhere2 stay. It’s not like anyone else thinks it’s real.  
Hinata: r u mad at me? 

Me: no. 

Kei glanced at the sleeping form of Kuroo, who had sandwiched his head between two pillows. Like some kind of freak.

Me: It’s not that bad. Kuroo is nice. His parents are nice. I got to bully his homophobic cousin today. 

Hinata: ohh u love that

Me: Hinata, if you’re asking the question, I think you know what to do. 

Hinata: ?  
Hinata: oh. I get it. thanks tsukki

Me: After you figure out your shit with Lev, you should text Kenma. He did ask about you.   
Me: There’s nothing wrong with a relationship not working. I know it’s harder when you haven’t hurt each other, but it’s better that way I think. 

Hinata: ugh stop being genuine. Ill start thinking u like me. go back to bullying me. this is scary. Scaryshima has feelings. 

Me: I can’t believe you know the word “genuine”

Hinata: that’s better 

***

The first sensation that Tetsurou experienced waking up was the gritty-eyed bleariness of someone that had spent the previous night crying. Next, he was acutely aware of how warm he was and then, there was the soothing “ba-BUMP, ba-BUMP” of a heartbeat in his ear. 

It took him several seconds for him to realize that his face was pressed against someone’s lean but muscular chest. It took him several more seconds to realize that the person was awake and reading a book, the quiet fwip of the pages adding to the soft atmosphere of the room. Tetsurou, who was on the fuzzy cusp between sleep and wakefulness, felt himself sink back into sleep. 

He nuzzled the warm body and sighed, letting sleep take him once again. 

***

Kei’s sleep schedule was well and truly fucked. It always was after tour, when his time wasn’t his own. It usually took him about a month to get back to his usual routine. Despite his best efforts, he jerked awake at 1 AM with a melody in his head. 

Knowing that sleep would evade him if he just laid there, Kei slipped out of bed, trying to disturb Tetsurou as little as possible. He grabbed his bag and headed downstairs to make some tea. 

Taiyo had made it clear to him that he was welcome to use or eat anything but he still felt awkward when he made his tea and took out some biscuits, but he knew that a sure fire way to kill his insomnia was to eat and drink something, to distract his mind from the sheer volume of thoughts racing through it. 

Sitting at the kitchen table, Kei took out his laptop, his headphones and his notebook and got to wringing the melody from his mind. He glanced at the clock once at 1:30 and then the next time he thought to look, it was 3:30. 

Finally, his eyes felt heavy and Kei sent the roughly hewn song to Kageyama, who he knew would be dying for something to work on in New York. 

To:Kageyama.Tobio@Gmall.com  
2 files attached   
December 23, 2019, 3:34 am

Hey - I’m thinking we should use the lyrics in the second attachment but I can be convinced otherwise. 

Always open to your thoughts, my liege. 

Tsukishima

Kei felt accomplished for the first time in months as he packed up his stuff and cleaned the dishes he’d used. 

He climbed back into bed, thinking he could get a couple hours of sleep, and was immediately assaulted by a beefy arm thrown across his chest. Well. There went that idea. 

Kei froze, unsure of what to do. On one hand, he was the metaphorical poster child of touch-starved gays but on the other, he wasn’t sure of the ethical ramifications of being snuggled by an unconscious person. On the other, other hand, the idea of waking Kuroo up was absolutely out of the question. Kei couldn’t handle the mortification. Couldn’t handle the implicit rejection that would come with Tetsurou withdrawing from him. 

As Kei was frozen in indecision Tetsurou pulled him close, resting his head on Kei’s chest. Well, fuck. He was able to snake his hand from where it was pinned between their two bodies to wrap around the brunet’s shoulders, but then what? 

Kei decided that the middle ground would be to lay awkwardly awake. At least for a while. Cuddling never hurt anyone right? A good platonic cuddle with the guy he’d known for less than a month and was pretend-dating was fine. 

Nothing weird about that. 

Kei knew he wouldn’t get any shuteye now, so instead he stretched off the side of the bed, doing his best to not jostle Tetsurou. He managed to blindly find the book and began reading. 

It wasn’t until nearly 7am that Tetsurou moved at all. His breathing got shallower for maybe 30 seconds, but then he nuzzled Kei’s chest and sighed heavily. 

Kei was nearly finished with his book when his phone started buzzing in Kageyama’s custom vibration. (Kei told his band that he had chosen to give both Kageyama and Hinata custom haptic tones so he knew which to ignore without having to look at his phone. Mostly to see the affronted looks from the dumb-dumbs. He’d done it years ago and he still thought it was funny.) 

Carefully, Kei cradled Tetsurou’s head and laid him back down on the pillow and quickly exited the room. 

“Hey,” he acknowledged as he answered the phone. 

Kageyama responded, tone flat, “Hinata is on my couch.”

“Uh,” Kei was floored. 

“Yeah, he said ‘Gurushima showed him the light’ and he broke up with Lev and booked a flight back to Japan….. the day after Christmas. Out of JFK.” Kageyama seemed vaguely amused when he said, “I think he drove here.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. Tooru is delighted to have company for his ‘American Christmas Dinner’. He started brining the turkey tonight. I just wanted to let you know that sometimes you can be nice and everyone knows it.”

Kei took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Yikes.”

“Also I listened to that song you wrote. It’s good stuff. Real golden age Tsukishima.”

Kei rolled his eyes, “What are you talking about?”

In the background, he could hear Oikawa sing-shouting, “Read Tumblr, Tsukki!”

He wrapped up the conversation with the front man shortly after that. 

Kei’s first instinct, as usual, was to text Tadashi, but he didn’t want to bother his friend while his friend was on vacation, so instead he quietly went back to the bedroom, grabbed his clothes and got ready. 

By the time he descended the stairs into the dining room, only Rin and Taiyo were there. 

“Oh, hi Kei!” She stood and patted his cheek, “Can I get you a cup of coffee?”

“Yes please. I’m exhausted, I need the caffeine.”

“You poor thing. Trouble sleeping?” She asked as she bustled to the kitchen. 

Kei made sure her back was turned when he stared down Rin, “Yeah, I didn’t get a wink.” He smirked and winked as the man across from him physically recoiled.

Better than coffee. 

Kei had finished his second cup of coffee when Kuroo, with truly glorious bedhead, graced them with his presence. 

“Morning all!” Kuroo greeted. 

Kei accepted a kiss on the forehead and as Tetsurou was about to go to the kitchen, Kei grabbed his hand and pulled him back. 

As Tetsurou leaned down, Kei whispered, “Rin thinks you kept me up all night. Act like it.”

Tetsurou giggled and swatted at Kei, “Control yourself, perv.”

The brunet leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Kei’s lips before turning around and bouncing into the kitchen. 

“You wish.” Kei smirked at the brunet’s retreating figure and turned his attention back to Rin, who looked like he’d just been doused in cold water. 

Kei cleared his throat, “Sorry about that. Honeymoon phase. You know how it is.”

Rin looked affronted, but remained silent and Kei accepted the cup of coffee handed to him by Taiyo. 

As he brought the cup to his tingling lips, Kei wondered faintly when they had agreed on kissing. He also wondered when he’d become so okay with it.


	5. The Regrets are Killing Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I need to talk to you,” is what Kei said after breakfast and led Tetsurou up to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have about a million excuses, but they're all boring. I got sick, then I got injured, then my p*dcast started getting traction, and then I had to drive across the country for personal reasons. ANYWAY. I'm back now with a short-ish chapter to get back into the swing of things. I can't really commit to a posting schedge unfortunately because my day job is brutal and my recording schedge is brutal-er. My goal is to finish this sucker up in the next month, but my promises have a knack for falling flat.
> 
> I saw someone commented last week and it really kicked me in the pants to get this chapter out. So if you've left a comment, or kudos, or bookmarked this disaster, thank you. I really appreciate your support! I was so nervous posting this in the first place and it was nice to get the response that I have. 
> 
> Title is taken from American Football's "But the Regrets are Killing Me"

_“I need to talk to you,”_ is what Kei said after breakfast and led Tetsurou up to his room. The entire time, Tetsurou was mentally scrambling. 

He didn’t know why he kissed the blond exactly, but he knew it was inappropriate. He knew he stepped over a line in the sand and he knew he was probably going to have to have an uncomfortable conversation with his boyfriend. 

Fake boyfriend. He was going to have an uncomfortable conversation with his fake boyfriend. 

Kei was fiddling with his fingers and looking away awkwardly. Tetsurou steeled himself and the blond blurted, “How does Kenma feel about surprises?”

“Yeah, I’m so sor- huh?”

Kei cocked his head to the side in confusion, and then slowly, as if he was speaking to a child, he repeated “Your good friend Kenma? Kenma Kozume? Does he like surprises or not? I get the impression that he’s like me in that regard. I hate surprises. One time I walked out of my own surprise birthday…”

Tsukki was rambling and as funny as he found it, Kuroo knew it was cruel to let it go on. 

“You’re right. He hates surprises that aren’t me giving him gifts. Why?”

Kei sat down on the bed heavily, “I may have accidentally given some advice that has caused my friend to break up with his boyfriend and fly across the ocean to confess his undying love to him.” 

“Wait, what?”

“My bandmate, Hinata, has a planet sized crush on Kenma and he texted me last night with a request for relationship advice. And, well, the tiny psycho just…. Broke up with his boyfriend and booked a flight to Japan. Presumably to do something disgustingly corny and romantic to woo Kozume-san.” 

“Wow. So, this guy is your narrative foil, huh?” 

Kei looked confused, so Kuroo went on, “He’s impulsive, passionate, by your own words, tiny. Words that I wouldn’t use to describe you.”

“Very funny,” Kei intoned, “but seriously, I think we should let Kenma know that he’s got a very hyperactive romance bomb incoming. If he’s anything like me, he needs … a few days to simmer.” 

“Game recognizes game, huh?” Kuroo was already reaching for his phone, “He really does need a minimum of 24 hours to prepare for any surprises or romantic gestures. It sounds like this is about to be both.” 

**Me:** _Kennnnmaaaaa. There’s a tiny surprise incoming from the land of the canadian geese._   
**Me** : _It’s not a goose._  
**Me:** _It’s Tsukki’s friend._  
**Me:** _The one you’re in love with. He’s coming to surprise you and probably confess his loooooove._  
**Me** : _And we both remember what happened the last time you were surprised._   
**Me** : _my leather jacket never recovered._

Tetsurou watched the "typing" bubble pop up no less than 6 times before Kenma finally managed a response. 

  
**Kencat** : _k_

“Welp. He’s been warned. That’s all I can do.” Kuroo flopped back down on the bed, “What did you say to him anyway?” 

Kei sighed heavily and tapped on his phone a few times to open his conversation with Hinata and passed it over to Tetsurou. 

He scrolled through the conversation and then smiled slyly at the blond, “Aw, Tsukki, you think I’m nice.” 

Kei’s face turned pink and he snatched his phone back. “Shut up. No, I don’t. I hate you.” 

“No, you don’t! You think I’m nice! You hugged me! Even though you were uncomfortable. I know you were.” Tetsurou poked at Kei’s side, “Oh, my god, we’re friends now, aren’t we?”

“We’re definitely not. I’m not interested in being friends with obnoxious fuckboys with bad hair.”

Tetsurou sat up and kept poking at Kei in earnest, while singing “You can’t fool me! You think I’m nice!” 

Kei squirmed under the brunet’s ministrations, and snapped, “Gah! Stop it!” 

And before Tetsurou could register what was happening, Kei had snatched both of his wrists in his large, guitar-calloused hands and pinned them above his head and tackled him back down onto the bed. The blond was staring down at him condescendingly as if daring him to fight back. Daring him to struggle. Daring him to see what came next. 

Suddenly, the breath left Tetsurou’s lungs. There he was, pinned to a bed by a beautiful man, and the more he considered it, the more he wanted to see what came next. 

The only thing he could do was stare into the golden eyes of his companion and do what he did best: observe. Observe the fact that both of their chests were heaving, that Kei’s pupils were dilated, that suddenly, his tiny room felt very, very warm. He could feel Kei’s fingers twitch around his wrists, like he was considering letting go. 

Kuroo was surprised to find that he definitely did not want that. He knew, in his heart, that if Kei let him go, the moment would be gone. Irrecoverable. 

Kuroo felt the magnetic pull driving him to stretch his neck up, up, up to Kei’s lips. He gave Kei time to pull away, to say no, to reject him, but the blond just stared, maybe even leaned forward slightly. 

Then two things happened in very quick succession. His door burst open revealing his father and almost as quickly, like he’d been shocked, Kei snapped back and scooted to the opposite end of the bed.

“Tetsu, your mom wants to kn -- Oh! Sorry!” His dad backpedaled out of the room like an olympic runner, but then stayed near the door to mumble, somewhat apologetically, “Um. Son. your mom wanted to know if you and Kei-kun were staying for lunch?” 

It would be comical if it wasn’t so mortifying. 

“Um.” Tetsurou got up and adjusted himself before opening the door a crack, “I don’t think so, I think we’ll go to Nakimase and maybe then I’ll catch a rocket ship to Mars, dad, I’m so sorr-”

His dad cut him off, “No, no you have nothing to be sorry for. I raised a young man, I know the dangers of walking through a closed door without knocking.” 

Tetsu heard a snort and glanced at Tsukki, who seemed to be truly enjoying the interaction,, “Jeez, dad…” Tetsurou cleared his throat. “Can you leave now and we can never, ever talk about this again?”

“Sure, sure, I understand you have some things to take care of.” 

“Dad!” The only thing that Tetsurou could even conceivably think to do was slam the door in his father’s face. 

At this point, Kei was genuinely laughing. He rolled off the bed to the floor and was curled up and clutching his stomach. 

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I think I’ll be traumatized for the rest of the day.” 

Kei, still giggling, replied, “Why? Because your dad walked in on us not having sex?” The blond seemed to have recovered from their moment and straightened, “I’ve literally heard what every single one of my closest friends sound like when they’re coming, so this doesn’t even rate on the embarrassment scale.” 

“You were no help! 

“Well, yeah, but that’s kind of why I’m here. And it’s your dad, man. I’m not gonna dwell on it.” 

Tetsurou tried not to be insulted at Kei’s dismissiveness. He wasn’t sure exactly what kind of friends pinned each other to the bed, but maybe he read the blond incorrectly. 

“Okay, whatever, let’s get out of this house before I combust.” 

* * *

Kei had been Nakimase Shopping Street plenty of times before in their trips to Tokyo, but it was slightly different going with a local. 

Tetsurou expertly picked the most efficient routes through the booths with a clear destination in mind, all the while pointing at various curiosities and landmarks. It was a curiously warm December day and Kei quickly shed his jacket in favor of his crew neck. 

They arrived at an unassuming booth where a middle aged man was hacking away at a fresh tuna. In front of the booth was an industrial fridge filled with trays of freshly made tuna nigiri. 

Tetsurou grabbed four of the sampler trays containing three nigiri: Akami, Chūtoro, and Otoro. 

“You like sushi, Tsukki?” Kuroo asked while paying and leading him over to the little bar where customers could eat. 

“Yeah, I do.” Kuroo pushed two trays toward him, “You didn’t have to pay for me.” 

“Please. You’re doing me the biggest favor. The least I could do is buy you some raw fish.” He snagged a piece of the lean tuna with his chopsticks, “My ex hated this place, so I haven’t been in ages.” 

“Ah, yes. I’m still in that part of breakup territory myself. Doing or consuming everything he likes hurts, but doing or consuming everything he doesn’t like also hurts.” 

“Exactly, so this is, what’s the word?” Kuroo took another thoughtful bite, “Cathartic for me.” 

They ate in companionable silence for a while, until Kuroo asked, “How long since the break up?”

Great. Good. Kei loved talking about his personal life. “Um.” 

“If you don’t want to say, that’s totally fine. I’m practically a stranger, after all.” Tetsurou seemed flustered, embarrassed, even. 

Kei was surprised that he wasn’t as resistant to the idea of opening up, “It’s fine. I think you’re nice after all.” Tetsurou beamed, “It’s been…. Almost five months? He’s already with someone new and I’m coping by pretending to be someone’s boyfriend, so I’d say my therapist would be proud.”

Tetsurou guffawed, “Okay. Let’s see pics so I can accurately roast him.” 

“What?” Kei stared. 

“Man, your friends are doing a shitty job of getting you over this breakup if they haven’t made fun of him for things he can’t change. That’s step one.”

“What?” Kei repeated, “No, he’s my friend! Or… we’re trying to be.” 

The brunet looked at him like he sprouted a second head, “Well, okay, that’s fine. It doesn’t mean I can’t make fun of him on your behalf. Let’s see him.” 

Kei considered declining again for a moment, but Kuroo seemed so genuine. He almost forgot that this wasn’t a real relationship, that Tetsurou didn’t know him, and he wanted to chase that feeling of being understood and cared for. 

He pulled up Ushijima’s Instagram page and scrolled until he found a rare photo of the page’s owner. 

It was a simple photo and Kei remembered taking it. It was a few months before the break up and the couple had managed to sneak away to Nara for a day trip. 

Kei pretended to regard the aggressive, yet adorable deer with barely disguised distaste, but in reality he was delighted by their symbiotic relationship with the tourists. They all learned to bow in exchange for locally sold crackers. 

Wakatoshi was strict about making every deer bow to him before he’d give up the coveted snacks, but eventually, he was mobbed by a pack of thuggish deer that cornered him against a tree. Kei remembered how helplessly he looked at Kei, who was snickering as he took the photo of Wakatoshi holding the deer crackers over his head, out of reach of the gang of vicious herbivores. 

The resulting photo showed off Wakatoshi’s impressive biceps and his serious, distressed face was particularly hilarious, especially because Kei convinced him to caption the photo with _“Oh Deer”_ in English. 

That was a good trip. Their last one, in fact. 

These memories sat heavy in Kei’s chest as he handed Testurou the phone. 

Tetsurou seemed to take the task seriously. He hemmed and hawed, pinching and zooming on the screen, squinting his eyes and scrunching his ridiculous face up, and eventually sighing. 

“I gotta admit, Tsukki, you have pretty good taste. That’s one handsome dude.”

It was Kei’s turn to squint, “Thank you?” 

“But, I will say that those eyebrows were a choice and he should have made a different one.” 

Kei, a creature of endless grace and composure, snorted while the younger man pressed on. 

“My man had all those shapes to choose from and he chose an isoceles-obtuse triangle?” Kuroo tutted, “Come on, dude. It’s like he took the ends of his eyebrows and glued ‘em back on the inside.” 

Kei started laughing in earnest, causing one of the shopkeepers to turn and stare. 

Encouraged, Kuroo continued, “He looks like he could throw someone around, though, so he’s got that going for him.”

“Oh my god.” Kei stated blankly, staring at the sky. 

Tetsurou smirked at him, “Am I wrong?” 

“Well, not exactly, but it’s the principle.” 

“So, the sex was good then?”

“Jesus Christ, we’re in public.” Kei hissed, jerking his head toward the fishmonger and the tourists passing by. 

“That’s not a no.” 

Kei gave up on trying to get Kuroo to shut the fuck up and gave in to the teasing. He straightened up and leaned to Tetsurou’s ear and whispered, “The night after I took that photo of him, he fucked me against the door to our hotel room. I came twice. I’d say he was pretty good, yeah.” 

Rocking back on his heels, he enjoyed the blush that was creeping up to the top of Tetsurou’s ears, but apparently, he wasn’t to be diverted. 

“Umm... “ Tetsurou shook his head a bit, “Okay, that’s step two!”

“Excuse me?” Kei asked, dumbfounded at this ridiculous human. 

Tetsurou seemed unphased by Kei’s obvious wariness, “Yeah, dude, we gotta get you laid. Preferably better than your ex, but sometimes that’s just not possible.” 

“You’re my boyfriend.” Kei responded flatly. 

Tetsurou waved his hand dismissively, “Fake boyfriend.”

“Tetsurou…” Kei said wearily. 

“Alright, alright, but if the opportunity to be your wingman comes up, I’m taking it.” 

Kei smirked, “Where are you going to find the opportunity to be my wingman? Is it Rin? Do you think he’s interested? Because, I mean -” 

“No. Nope. No, absolutely not! You’re not allowed to even pretend to be attracted to my douchebag cousin. Too far.” 

“Fair enough. He’s not my type anyway.” 

Tetsurou sighed with feigned relief, “Okay, so for any future wingman purposes, what is your type?” He started picking up their trash and walking back into the thoroughfare.

“I like men who challenge me.” He replied simply. 

More than anything, it was true. If you lined all of his exes in a row, it would be awfully hard to pick out one thing they had in common, you’d be hard pressed to find something physically, but they all were able to draw Kei out in their own ways. 

Kei ignored the small voice in the back of his head that told him that Kuroo was exactly that kind of person. He followed Tetsurou into the press of bodies and hoped this feeling would pass and his heart would be safe again. 

* * *

Tetsurou was still mulling on the whole “men who challenge me” thing hours later while the two companions puttered around Tokyo. 

It was a strange type to have, because in the few weeks he had known the blond, he knew that Kei definitely had a comfort zone that he hated leaving, but at the same time, he was here, pretending to be a stranger’s boyfriend. Maybe Tsukki liked being pulled along.

Around 2 pm, Kei suggested that they get beers at a small bar in Shibuya. It was in the basement of a huge department store. The walls were paneled with a light wood and the tables were separated by high, frosted glass. The lights were soft and yellow. The whole place had a hipster bar feel and Tetsurou knew as soon as he walked in that this was the kind of place that Tsukishima Kei felt at home. 

“You hipster fuck.” He muttered under his breath as they sat next to each other at the bar and ordered their drinks. 

Kei chuckled at that, “So I’ve heard.”

The two sat in companionable silence until the bartender brought their drinks and then Kei spoke again, “So, what are the rest of the steps then?” 

“What?” Tetsurou seemed to be lost in a reverie. 

Kei smirked as he sipped on the beer, “Well, we did steps one and established that I’m not doing step two any time soon, so what’s step three?”

“What? No!” Tetsurou shook his head emphatically, “You can’t skip steps Tsukki! You’re supposed to take them in order! That’s why they’re called steps. You can’t skip them!”

“I skip steps all the time,” Kei intoned and knocked his knee against Tetsurou’s. “I’ve got long legs.”

Tetsurou rolled his eyes, “God, shut up.”

“Seriously, how many steps?”

“Six.”

Kei whistled, “Six steps?”

“Just six.”

“Okay, then, what step are you on?

Tetsurou cringed internally, because, yikes, that’s a whole can of worms, “Um, I guess probably between five and six.” 

Kei sighed in frustration, “Will you just tell me what the steps are? I’d like to know what I’m getting myself into.” 

“Okay, step three is just crying a bunch.” 

“Oh my god.” Kei looked like he’d eaten a rather sour grape, “I think I’d prefer to perish.” 

“No, no, you don’t get it. Steps one and two serve to distance you for your ex, right? Then step three gives you space to feel your feelings. Just ugly crying about everything.”

“Shouldn’t that be step one?” Kei asked.

“Nope! Like, of course you’re sad and in your feelings right after you break up, but this is part of the healing process, not the grieving process.” 

Kei cocked his head to the side, “Isn’t grieving part of healing?”

Tetsurou nodded, “Grieving is a precursor to healing. It’s like a geometric proof. You can’t have any healing without grieving but grieving isn’t the only part of healing.” 

Kei seemed surprised before something seemed to click, “You’re pretty wise for a fetus.”

They were both on their second beer now and were feeling comfortable and a little loose. 

Tetsurou pouted, “I’m not that much younger than you.” 

“Yeah, yeah, Plato, tell me the rest of the steps.” 

“Fine. Step four is getting a new hobby. It can be anything. This last time, it was baseball, but the time before that, it was cooking, and before that, it was floral arrangements.”

Kei leveled a stare, “Okay, my new hobby is being a rental boyfriend. Next.”

Tetsurou rolled his eyes, but continued, “Step five is making new friends.”

“Hard pass. I have enough and I hate half of them.”

“That’s not true, Tsukki! You got me!”

“Exactly.” Tetsurou would have been hurt but the blond shot him a smile as he drank his beer. 

“That all brings us to step six! Which is finally, truly moving on.”

“Ah, so I only have one step left.”

Tetsurou rolled his eyes, “Okay, fine, if you’re gonna do it in the wrong order, yes.”

Tetsurou usually hated silence, but for the second time that day, he sat with Tsukki and just drank his beer, enjoying his presence. His leg was still pressed up against Tetsurou’s and he didn’t make any moves to prevent the casual touch. 

But then, the third beer came and Tsukki felt brave. 

“So,” Kei started, “what’s your deal?” 

Tetsurou blinked, “Excuse me?”

“Yeah, like, with your ex? It seems like there’s a lot you’re not saying.” 

But he was so careful! How could someone slip in and get a peek in on the ramshackle hoarder house that was his heart and pick out his secrets? See what he’d hidden so carefully among the detritus of loud laughs and too-familiar nicknames. 

But Kei had. He got in, and was reading him like a book. And Tetsurou wasn’t sure he liked that feeling. 

* * *

Kei watched Tetsurou go through several emotions - surprise, sadness, anxiety- before he finally landed on acceptance. 

“Um, his name was Gentaro. We were together for over a year. I was, like, in love with him, for real, for real. But,” Tetsurou downed the rest of his fourth beer, “but he cheated on me.”

Anger ignited in Kei’s chest and he spat, “Fucker.” 

“I mean, it was probably my fault. It was the month of midterms and I was busy with school and -”

“Fuck that. And fuck this Gentaro guy. Your studies are important to you, right?”

“Well, yeah.” 

“And this guy probably knew it. He was with you for a year.”

Tetsurou shrugged, but didn’t say anything. 

“Gentaro made several choices that ruined your trust in him and your relationship.” Kei motioned to the bartender to bring more drinks and continued, “Cheaters always try to blame their cheating on someone else. At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their own genitals. What that loser did to you was reprehensible and if you spend one more minute being upset about it, I’m going to find this guy and eviscerate him.” 

Tetsurou’s eyes were glassy and his lip wobbled slightly. 

“After all,” Kei patted his back, “that’s what friends are for, right?” 

“Thanks, four-eyes.” Tetsurou sniffled. 

Kei wanted to ask if Tetsurou really felt like he was close to moving on, but even tactless Tsukishima Kei knew not to press that shiny red button. He liked Tetsurou. He liked him. He wanted him. The realization hit him like a fucking train. 

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did technically cock block (make out block?) you all but it's for a GOOD CAUSE. Gotta keep that slow burn SIMMERING. 
> 
> The tuna nigiri stand is a real place I was taken to in Japan and it's ruined me for all sushi. So is the bar that Tsukki took Kuroo to, for that matter. My friends and I drank beer and chatted with the bartender for hours. Anyway, if someone could really quickly fly me to japan, I think I'd be required by law to marry you. 
> 
> Happy December, y'all. Wear your masks, black lives matter, and be safe out there.


End file.
